The Bats Have Left the Bell Tower

This post first appeared in my e-newsletter I WAS BIGFOOT'S SHEMP.

It's funny when my day job and my side hustle overlap. I get asked to be on a lot of searches because I have a good eye for talent, even if I am bad at other things.  One thing I do on searches is google the names of finalists to see if anybody has said or done something bad that's been left lying around on the internet (and I have found a surprise or two, from time to time). 

But suddenly I'm finding out a lot of people have been in b-movies.  Here's the trailer for one you can rent on Amazon Prime right now but this one seems lost to the ages. 

I think a lot of people like to be around the excitement of the movie business, It can be an absolute grind, though, which is why I think it's funny that viewers think filmmakers set out to make "intentionally bad" movies. I tell anyone who asks, don't start a movie you don't want to live with for at least a year.  It's so hard, so ridiculously hard, to make any movie, I can't see any reason why somebody would want to make a bad one.

I was on a podcast last Friday where I talk a ton about filmmaking, and a surprising number of people have already watched it; you can check it out here if you missed it.

Kind of puttering around on writing, but I am proud of a two-part story I did for the Weekly Spooky podcast, Calamity Jane vs Dracula.  After writing Calamity Jane's Revenge (now free on Tubi), I had a dream I wrote this and was in a movie lobby waiting for it to start.  I've thought a lot about that dream over the years and felt it was time to bring it to crazy reality.  

A few things percolating and I hope I can report back soon.  Thanks for sticking around.

Trying To Relax, Up In The Capsule

This entry first appeared, in a slightly different form, in my e-newsletter I WAS BIGFOOT'S SHEMP which you can subscribe to in the sidebar.

I have been on a crazy reading binge lately, having knocked out a dozen books this month, reading one about every other day or so.  Either it's winter, and I'm in burrowing mode, or I am getting ready to have a big chunk of creativity, or maybe both.

I had a crazy fall, and turned down some screenwriting work, but it may be time to get back in the saddle.  I have had an idea for a dystopian sci-fi screenplay since last summer, but let's be honest, is this really the right time to write a dystopian story?  And whether it is or isn't, I suspect a lot of people are cranking on them right now anyway.

I have been reading a lot of pulp paperbacks again; spaghetti-flavored westerns and hard-boiled mid-century noir and other fast reads.  There is something about these authors from this time period, somewhere in that span of time from the 1950s to the 1970s, writing for the spinner racks, many of them borderline alcoholics or chasing other demons, churning out a book a month sometimes under a handful of names, often not their own.  I have an affinity for them the way I do following the peculiar rhythms of VHS horror movies, and threadbare spaghetti westerns on broken-down sets, and DIY backyard epics.  To be reminded that putting your butt in the seat and working is just as valuable or perhaps more so than being an artistic genius.

Speaking of spaghettis, my homage to those movies, CALAMITY JANE'S REVENGE, is free on Amazon Prime right now, if you still have missed it.  I named most of the villains after bad guys played by Klaus Kinski--memorably the guy that gets a match lit off of his face in A FEW DOLLARS MORE, but I love him as "Hot Dead" in I AM SARTANA YOUR ANGEL OF DEATH--if you wondered how much I really love Italian oaters.

She Saw My Silver Spurs, And Said Let's Pass Some Time

This post first appeared, in a slightly different form, in my e-newsletter I WAS BIGFOOT'S SHEMP, which you can subscribe to in the sidebar.

Yesterday a movie I wrote, CALAMITY JANE'S REVENGE, streeted everywhere across America, including Amazon, Best Buy, Family Video, FYE, and anywhere fine DVDs are sold.  As I grow older I live in quieter and quieter places, but I still have a tradition of driving around and looking for my movies in the wild.  When it happens, like a rare animal sighting, it's a cool feeling.

I checked out the Family Video in Richmond, Indiana, and there it was.  I was hopeful, as they also, once upon a time, had JURASSIC PREY and AMITYVILLE DEATH HOUSE.

If you see it anywhere across America, give me a shout.

When I got up this morning, it was at #215 in DVD Western sales on Amazon, charting pretty high for a first day.

If you want to hear the "Secret Soundtrack" for the movie that I composed in my head while writing it, look here.

A faithful newsletter reader suggested I watch more of the Comet channel, which comes to me free over my towering TV aerial in my little country home.  Not only do I enjoy watching it, I wish I was programming it myself, as it seems to be sending a lot of deep signals from the collective unconscious of nerds everywhere.

My September entry for my Book Club is AN ASSIMILATED CUBAN'S GUIDE TO QUANTUM SANTERIA by Carlos Hernandez.  It is a pretty cool collection of sci-fi and fantasy short stories, including everything from robot pandas to ghosts living in fake teeth and old pianos. The hook as seen in the title is that some element of the stories, and many of the characters, reflect the Cuban experience.  But the stories are pretty cool whether that is an element or not.  Best of all, the collection convinced me to try Cafe Bustelo, which I now swear by.

Speaking of coffee, I got to spend a few days in Seattle, where it rains all the time just like in THE KILLING, but all the coffee shops and used bookstores take the edge off.

I hope you all are enjoying your fall.

Bookends

I always ask for books for my birthday, and also got an Amazon gift card, so I am stocked up for the first winter in my new house.  Turning 50 was slightly philosophical but I felt buoyed by these two discoveries in a book I was given and one I bought--a mention of a movie I worked on in Brian Albright's REGIONAL HORROR FILMS 1958-1990 and reviews of two movies I wrote in Jason Coffman's THE UNREPENTANT CINEPHILE.  Makes half a century go down easier.

Jane, You're Playing A Game

A new poster for CALAMITY JANE'S REVENGE, looking pretty swanky.  A new trailer from the distributor is here.  I'm glad I lived long enough for westerns to come back into style.

Wandering Man, I Call Thee Sand

 This post first appeared, in a slightly different form, in my e-newsletter I Was Bigfoot's Shemp, which you can subscribe to here.


I talked recently about how I like to write characters who reflect the interests of the people who are probably watching my movies. I also like to salt in Easter Eggs that give hints about the backgrounds of the movies.

For instance, when I wrote JURASSIC PREY director Mark Polonia suggested I watched BEAST FROM HAUNTED CAVE as a primer for what he was looking for.  Fair enough, as the movie was reworked from NAKED PARADISE and later reworked again as CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA.  That's why I named a minor character Hellman after director Monte Hellman and another character Wain after screenwriter Robert Towne's pseudonym, and so on.  It gives knowing viewers a little nod and a wink (although I'm not sure how many people were in on the joke).

CALAMITY JANE'S REVENGE was a little trickier as they were by and large real people.  Even though some people who have seen the movie didn't know Calamity Jane was a real person, much less Con Stapleton, Charlie Utter, and "Crooked Nose" Jack McCall.  But the story is peopled with all kinds of owlhoots and scalywags, so I leaned upon a classic actor from the spaghetti western era, Klaus Kinski, for inspiration.

Klaus Kinski was one of the great scenery-chewing lunatics of the spaghetti western era, and is in more movies than even a devoted fan like myself can keep track of.  Even more so, most of the time he acted like he DGAF about what was going on around him.

My favorite performance is as a character with the unlikely name "Hot Dead" in I AM SARTANA YOUR ANGEL OF DEATH (he also DGAF in another Sartana movie, IF YOU MEET SARTANA PRAY FOR YOUR DEATH, as a different character).  In a German-helmed Eurowestern called THE LAST OF THE RENEGADES he parades around in a crazy hat and just DGAF.  In one of the great late spaghetti westerns, THE GREAT SILENCE, he is called, appropriately, Loco, and he struts like he DGAF even as the bad guys win (belated spoiler from 1968).  There are just so many spaghetti westerns where he DGAF, but the one he probably should have and DGAF was Sergio Leone's classic FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE.  But he plays a character called Juan Wild, so he can hardly be blamed.  And he gets that iconic scene where Lee Van Cleef strikes a match off his face.

So there you have it, five times where Klaus Kinski DGAF and maybe should have, and I paid tribute to him in CALAMITY JANE'S REVENGE.  And yet, even though I based the name of the lead villain, King Garrett, off of Klaus Kinski I told actor Adam Clevenger that he was really based on one of my favorite actors of the spaghetti western era, William Berger.  He was inspired by Berger's role in the classic KEOMA, but I also liked him in IF YOU MEET SARTANA PRAY FOR YOUR DEATH, and HANGING FOR DJANGO even though he is more or less a good guy in that.

Despite this, actor Adam Clevenger played him like Gene Hackman in UNFORGIVEN, and I was fine with that.

They Rode the Sunset, Horse Was Made of Steel

If you weren't at the World Premiere of "Calamity Jane's Revenge," or haven't watched the Limited Edition Blu-Ray/DVD combo--and why haven't you?--don't read this post. 

When director Henrique Couto called me on the phone and asked if I would be interested in writing the movie I grabbed this sheet of paper out of my sketchpad and wrote these notes.  Then promptly lost track of this paper and had to write the script from what I remember writing down that night.  And I think I remembered this cryptic note pretty well.

Screenwriting secrets revealed!  This is all of the outlining I did for the screenplay, but spent about a week moving the furniture around in my mind before I started writing.

Before The Burst of Tambourines Take You There

I thought people who enjoyed the "Calamity Jane's Revenge" movie might like this. Whenever I write a screenplay, I compose a "Secret Soundtrack" of songs that inspire me when I'm working. Here is the Secret Soundtrack to Calamity Jane's Revenge: 

OPENING THEME: Fire on the Mountain by Marshall Tucker Band: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uMWbZj-gWg 

DEATH OF WILD BILL HICKOK: Hurt by Johnny Cash: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc 

CALAMITY JANE'S THEME: Cinderella by Firefall: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMALavGwT4g 

FAY'S THEME: Wildflower by Skylark: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQ8n_Esop5I 

HUNTING/TRACKING SONG: Ghost Riders in the Sky by Johnny Cash: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mynzbmrtp9I 

GUNFIGHTING SONG: Green Grass and High Tides by the Outlaws: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKbk_dQ8Mhg 

FINAL SHOWDOWN: God's Gonna Cut You Down by Johnny Cash: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJlN9jdQFSc 

CLOSING CREDITS: Knocking on Heaven's Door by Bob Dylan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaSIPQ-Bdc8 

BONUS GENERAL INSPIRATION: Hickory Wind by The Byrds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4dIQITw5bw 

 and especially Wild West Hero by ELO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-QKn64DFmo&list=RD8-QKn64DFmo 

Enjoy!

Be With My Western Girl Round The Fire, Oh So Bright

Almost 150 people came out over two showings on Friday night in Germantown, Ohio to watch "Calamity Jane's Revenge," a western I wrote for director Henrique Couto (who took this picture from the front of the theater).  A fun night.

Sweet Revenge

The first spaghetti-flavored teaser trailer for Calamity Jane's Revenge, a western I wrote for director Henrique Couto, officially dropped today.  Enjoy!

Chose A Gun, And Threw Away The Sun

A heapin' passel of publicity stills and behind the scenes photos from "Calamity Jane's Revenge," a western movie I wrote for director Henrique Couto.  I had a great time working on this one, magnified more so by the thought that I was born too late to ever write a western, but got to write one anyway.  After a few trips to Italy in recent years I found a renewed interest in Italian movies, gorging on giallo, peplum, poliziotteschi, but especially spaghetti westerns (including an attempt to watch every movie with Django in the title, which I'll blog about someday).  And I got to play in a real sandbox, with Calmity Jane, Wild Bill Hickok, Charlie Utter, Con Stapleton, and other Deadwood legends--many of which lived lives bigger than fiction.  Eager to see how it turns out.

And yes, that's wrestler Al Snow (playing Charlie Utter).  I didn't go to the set that day though, didn't want my intense physical presence to make him feel intimidated or anything.

Thanks to two people more talented than me, Alicia Lozier and Randy Jennings, for letting me use their photos.

Down in the Badlands

Let me make this clear:  it is not common for a screenwriter to be invited to a movie set.  Being a screenwriter is like being a virgin; most directors call and call and call and when you finally give it up they stop calling.  But some directors, like Henrique Couto, aren't like that; in fact Henrique always invites me to the set, and then pretends like I know what I'm talking about.  Here I am on the set of Calamity Jane's Revenge, looking at some badass dailies.  Later I proved I had some modest worth when I built a campfire for a critical scene.  Then we used it to cook hot dogs, and the strange truth is that I have cooked hot dogs for people now on three movie sets:  Among Us, The Da Vinci Curse, and now Calamity Jane's Revenge.  This was taken, for some reason, by a talented photographer named Alicia Lozier.

The Girl Who Knew Too Much

I saw several film/TV crews while I was in Italy this time (sweet irony as back in Ohio, a spaghetti western I wrote, Calamity Jane's Revenge, was underway).  One I couldn't tell what they were doing, one seemed to be some sort of period piece, and one was some sort of comedic crowd scene.  Not to call my brothers out but it looked like there was some guerrilla filmmaking stuff going on, which naturally my trained b-movie I was drawn to.  And how it warmed my heart to turn on the TV went I hit the hotel and see a Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer movie on; almost as good as that time I caught For A Few Dollars More late at night, with Clint and Lee Van Cleef speaking Italian.

Live from the OK Corral

Melissa Walters was kind enough to allow me to use photos she took on the first day of shooting of "Calamity Jane's Revenge," a screenplay I wrote for director Henrique Couto (these are her real horses).  It's not a supernatural western, or comedy western, but an Old-School Spaghetti-Flavored Honest to God western.  And, for the first time, my parents expressed interest in seeing one of my movies, a win.

Ride the Range All the Day Til the First Fading Light

Calamity Jane's Revenge, directed by Henrique Couto, starts shooting this weekend from my screenplay.  And people said trying to watch every movie with "Django" in the title would never amount to anything.  More news to come.