Walk the Dinosaur

This post first appeared, in a slightly different form, in the e-newsletter I WAS BIGFOOT'S SHEMP, which you can subscribe to in the sidebar.

I have been off the grid a bit lately.  For one, I have been building a DIY chicken coop, carefully designed by my dad, for the last six weekends, pounding nails until my hands throbbed.  Secondly, I just wrapped on a new freelance project.

I had been turning down work for a while--what with moving, and probably the busiest year I've ever had at the day job in a long time, I'd decided I needed to go away for a bit.  Sometimes I feel like I have to do like Lestat did in INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE--burrow down into the ground and pop out a long time later as somebody else.  But I didn't feel like being gone quite so long.

I have patterned a lot of my e-newsletter on the one I admire from writer Warren Ellis, who comes up with code names for all the projects he is working on under nondisclosure, only revealing them when they become real.  So in that spirit I am calling this one TWICE SHY even though I can't tell you the real name anyway because I'm not sure one has stuck.  I'm getting to the point of only wanting to do projects that really catch fire for me, and this one did; an opportunity to write a second movie on a topic I like, and a chance to set it in a different time period--in this case, that ancient forgotten era that represents my early teen years.

If all goes well, this one should lens in June, and I was asked if I was interested in visiting the set, which a writer should never take lightly as by and large nobody wants to see you anymore after the screenplay is turned in.  So it's flattering, and I think I will try to do so.

I am headed back to Chicago on Monday, April 24 for another Horror Society Trash Movie Night where the lunatics of the Horror Society will be screening my rubber dinosaur epic mockbuster JURASSIC PREY (which I wrote under the title MEATEATERS before it was mockbusted).  For better or for worse, this is the screenplay that helped bring me out of a years-long self-imposed exile because I couldn't turn down writing a stop-motion dinosaur movie for my old friend Mark Polonia (that and HAUNTED HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW for director Henrique Couto, because I couldn't turn down writing a movie where the only superfluous word in the title was "on."  Speaking of flattered, I was very flattered to be asked back after just screening SEX MACHINE there in December.  It was flat cold zero with about a half foot of snow or more last time, so I think we can do better on weather this time--though it's still April in Chicago, so it's a tossup.

I'm a little behind on my secret e-newsletter Book Club, so let me get both February and March out of the way.  I can't get John Darnielle's creepy UNIVERSAL HARVESTER out of my mind, a skin-crawling sketch of midwestern life centered around weird footage spliced into VHS rentals at a lonely store in rural Iowa.  Next I have to recommend the absolutely bats PIRATE UTOPIA by Bruce Sterling, a post-World War I-era thriller about a little upstart sliver of a country between Yugoslavia and Italy chock full of anarchists and rebels with names like "The Art Witch" and "The Ace of Hearts"--all the more crazy because it is (somewhat) grounded in real events.

Talk to you again soon, thanks for sticking with me.

Bout To Get Jurassic On Some People

Some of my screenplays have been on some pretty windy roads--witness HELLSHOCKED (original title) to BLACK MASS to DEAD KNIGHT (with spliced in footage) to THE DA VINCI CURSE (in Japan) to ARMY OF WOLVES (more spliced in new footage)--so here' s the new JURASSIC PREY formerly known as MEATEATERS when it came out on Full Moon Streaming.  Happily this is getting DVD release as a mockbuster this summer, dinosaur puppetry intact.  A nice new trailer to boot.

I'm Just Looking for Clues at the Scene of the Crime

Sharknado 2 is loose upon the world, and--I'll say it--the world is better for it.

I watched a shark movie marathon on SyFy leading up to it, and as a result found this interview with screenwriter Jose Prendes.  It did make me a bit melancholy how the AV Club spoke to Jose Prendes (in full disclosure, I don't know him).  It reminds me of the time an interviewer asked me what was the worst movie ever made.  Does my spiritual guide Michael Tolkin get asked this?  (Answer:  probably not.  Also, Michael Tolkin once wrote an email to me that I treasure.)(PS I answered Triumph of the Will.)

It makes me mad people say all the SyFy movies are automatically "bad."  There are some that are lazy, some that are cynical, some where people are cashing checks, but that is all movies.  The SyFy ones where the people behind the scenes are fans as well differentiate themselves.  And the fans can sniff out honesty vs cynicism, as I have said before.  Do you think Sharknado director Anthony Ferrante (disclosure:  we are FB friends) was serious when he had a guy get swallowed by a shark and chainsaw his way out?  He did it because he is a fan, and made it for fans.

I think people mix up "bad" and "cheap."  You know what movies are really bad?  All the Transformers movies, both GI Joe movies, both Thor movies, the first Hulk movie, Pacific Rim, Battleship, on and on and on.  They just look better.  If you put the screenplays side by side, with no money attached, they are no smarter than the cheaper SyFy movies.

I had somebody once tell me that if they couldn't get a "real" movie made, they would just whip out a few quick b-movies.  The truth is, people work just as hard making b-movies.  I challenge anyone who thinks it is easy to make a b-movie to try and produce one.  And then, if you can get that far, get somebody to distribute it.  I have sold (I think about) 25 scripts in the last 15 years, and my ninth movie is coming out in September.  I think that is a very high batting average for screenwriting, and I think many would agree.

Same with acting.  Is there anyone worse than Megan Fox in Transformers?  I think Sarah Lieving in Super Shark and Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus is much better, and probably got paid Transformer's coffee money.  I think Danielle Donahue in Meateaters and Joni Durian in Haunted House on Sorority Row are better than Sarah Lieving, and probably got paid Super Shark's coffee money (in full disclosure, I wrote but did not cast both of these).

This really isn't written to fans.  As I have said, fans can smell intent, and they are loyal if you are one of them.  Those are the people that keep me going.

Until later I am at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

And You Touch The Distant Beaches With Tales Of Brave Ulysses

I didn't know I had been gone this long without blogging until a loyal reader emailed me and asked where I was, and up to that moment I didn't realize that people were that hard up for fresh content on the internet.

A lot has happened to keep me away from here, good and bad.  We had the longest, most terrible winter I can remember since those Ice Age late 70s winters, only this was worse because I was the one responsible for the shoveling, and the frozen pipes, and the hot water heater and furnace both quitting, and on and on and on.

Why I bothered to make fake snow, I'm not sure.

It got so bad, I started making hooch again.

But some really good things happened, like my grandson was born on January 1, 2014, the first baby born at Cincinnati Mercy hospital in the New Year, and instantly became the cutest baby on the interwebs.

 

And then there was another special delivery:  Haunted House on Sorority Row.  My screenplay got made into a movie got made into a tee shirt.

Close readers of the blog will note that the time from when I became re-acquainted with director Henrique Couto at a local film festival to when this movie was actually screened was very short indeed.  Close to nine months, ironically enough.  I got to go to the premiere in Dayton, Ohio, this winter and sort of felt like the chaperone at a Juvenile Detention Prom.  But the movie played like gangbusters at both screenings and I'm very happy with how it came out.  I would post a photo, but they were all confiscated by Homeland Security.

Another movie, Meateaters, from my old friend Mark Polonia, came out at very close to the same time, almost a twin as it were (grandbaby theme still in full effect).  It is currently available on Full Moon Streaming and garnering some buzz for its whacked-out dino-noir sensibilities.  I'm also quite happy with my screenplay for this one and hope it sees wider release.

That's all the news fit to print, more or less, and I will try to be more diligent as I have a few more projects in the hopper; a project that is on ultra secret down low lockdown is in post production, but I can blab all I want about Doctor Zombie, a throwback horror film I wrote for Mark Polonia, and a segment I have in Henrique Couto's upcoming horror anthology Scarewaves.

Until then you can catch me at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

 

It Ain't No Country Club, Either

I was thinking about one time when a b-movie producer whose name would probably be recognizable to readers of this blog called me out of the blue on a Saturday afternoon.

"What are you doing?"  he asked.

"I'm putting a new sink in my downstairs bathroom."

"If I asked somebody out here in L.A. that, they'd tell me all about their projects."

"Well, I don't live in L.A."

I have just, unbelievably even to me, finished four screenplays in 11 weeks.  MEATEATERS is already in post-production for director Mark Polonia and HAUNTED HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW is in pre-production for director Henrique Couto.  The next one I did is a vampire movie that I won't say anything more about at this time and the fourth movie is on double secret lockdown and even I am surprised who I'm working with on it.  I am actually getting ready to go into rewrites on that one so I have to say in fairness my first draft was finished in three weeks, there may be a few more in the next drafts.

Because it's already leaked out, my next project is DOCTOR ZOMBIE for director Mark Polonia and I suppose I need to get cracking on that.

Now that I have returned from self-imposed exile I have to remind myself to be careful; work with friends, pick projects carefully, put one foot in front of the other.

Until later I am at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Done On Both Sides

In a few stills offered up by my pal Jeff Kirkendall from the set of Mark Polonia's MEATEATERS, we see two intrepid cops who started off chasing some bank robbers and ended up squaring off against a dinosaur.  Admittedly, I recycled the plot from an old episode of LAW AND ORDER.

I Know You're Working For The CIA, They Would Not Have You In The Mafia

Crazily, I just finished another screenplay this week, written right from page one. I started on Wednesday July 3rd and finished Saturday July 13th, a new land speed record. I would not have taken on this insanity except for my wife left the country for two weeks, typically a time of Doctor Who marathons and Sloppy Joes.  Needless to say I had some time on my hands.

It is the third screenplay I have completed in eight weeks.  Astoundingly, one of them, MEATEATERS, is already in post-production after a quick shoot in rural Pennsylvania; and another, HAUNTED HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW, is supposed to go before the lens before the end of August.

I have never seen anything happen so quickly.  The hookers and cocaine promised by one of these two directors mentioned above hasn't even shown up yet.

This latest screenplay is about the lives and loves of a gang of female vampires, so perhaps it is just as well that my wife was out of the country while I was writing it. The rest of the information about this one is redacted until I get the high sign from the director.

I fell into the routine of day job work, coming home and writing for a few hours, and then rewarding myself by watching a movie and eating dinner in front of the TV; a sad glimpse into the grim parallel world I would have lived in had a pretty girl not gone out on a blind date with me in 1987.

I watched 20 movies while she was gone, a nice round number.  Not necessarily the ones I thought were the best, but the top five that inspired me to keep going, were THE DEVIL'S KISS, SARTANA KILLS THEM ALL, THE TALE OF ZATOICHI, A COLT IS MY PASSPORT, and MANNAJA: A MAN CALLED BLADE.

Just as I was delivering the vampire movie another surprising project fell into my lap, which I am hoping to work on during the days next week, while giving my nights over to the Blue Whiskey Film Festival.  Also, redacted until further notice; and I might have a zombie movie after that.  Dinosaurs, haunted house, vampires, (redacted), and zombies; not a bad 2013.  Thankfully it seems I have a little stored up in the tank, after going into exile for several years.

Until later, I am at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

More Meateaters

As MEATEATERS wraps principal photography in Pennsylvania (say that three times fast), my pal Jeff Kirkendall sent along a few more photos featuring leads Danielle Donahue and Steve Diasparra.  In the top photo, Danielle gets a key to a fortune from a crime boss in, shall we say, the old-fashioned way (Me and Al Hitchcock, who did okay for himself, call this a MacGuffin).  Next, cinematic wisdom might indicate that if you get two cups of fake blood thrown on you and then get chucked into a lake you probably ain't coming back for the sequel.

Vegetarians Unwelcome

 

  Jeff Kirkendall and Danielle Donahue sent me a few snaps from MEATEATERS, a "Dino-Noir" I wrote for my old pal Mark Polonia, wrapping in the wilds of Pennsylvania.  Don't rob banks and don't fight dinosaurs, kids.  More updates to come.