I'm starting 2008 by going through the ol' Archives and presenting some of my old scripts and stuff from the wayback.
Here is a project I was working on back in 1999--a comic book series called CAPES, a riff on COPS but with a REAL WORLD twist as a group of young heroes on a reality show face off against a criminal mastermind.
I probably wasn't the first to think of some of these ideas and I know I wasn't the last--look at Todd Nauck's WILDGUARD and Brian Michael Bendis' "Retro Girl" in POWERS, for instance. Careful readers will note that I cribbed some of these ideas for my current comic book zine VOLUNTEERS, obviously the "first to market" stuff via Bendis and Nauck had to be set by the wayside, a curse that many creators face.
So, for your dubious reading pleasure...
CAPES #1
SUPERSTAR SEVEN TEAM ROSTER:
VISOR: Electronic space-aged visor over stunning good looks, over a giant ego
RETRO GIRL: Has the power to speed up or slow down time, but prefers the 60s pillbox hat look
SPITBALL: The son of two Silver-Age heroes (The Silver Spitfire and The Red Ball), he has taken his father’s amazing rebounding technology to bounce off of crime
THE HARD-WIRED KID: Spockian cyborg
LEMMING LAD: Morose fraidy-cat who writes a lot of bad poetry
CATNAP: Former bad-girl trying to go straight with modest success
SLINGSHOT: Former teen sidekick of 40s hero The Crack Commando, who has recently been unfrozen and is learning way too much about the 90s
I see this first sequence featuring several long, narrow panels. Feature two sets of hands, one holding a photograph. The teen in the picture has a shock of blond hair and white, straight teeth.
VOICE ONE: This kid will have to be the leader. He used to be in that singing group, you know the one all the teeny-boppers went for? My daughter loved that group. Plus, he’s done soaps.
VOICE TWO: What’s his powers, though?
VOICE ONE: Powers? Screw that. Give him that visor we found, call him Visor or something.
VOICE TWO: That artifact came from a wrecked spaceship! It’s untested! It’s—
VOICE ONE: Did someone ask you a question?
Feature a photo of a young adult in a mummy costume.
VOICE ONE: Nah. Looks ratty, looks like he smells, would scare the kids.
Feature a photo of a young woman in vintage clothes, with a “Jackie O” pillbox hat.
VOICE ONE: This speaks to me. It’s trendy, it’s post-grunge, it’s today.
VOICE TWO: Her powers—
VOICE ONE: Powers? She’s the love interest for Visor, ‘nuff said.
Feature a photo of a young African-American with cyborg-enhanced features.
VOICE ONE: He’s hip! He’s urban! I love it! He’s in!
Feature a photo of a powerfully-built Black hero.
VOICE ONE: Don’t show this to me, I just picked a Black kid. I need an angst-ridden kid. Any reformed villians in there? That’s dramatic tension.
VOICE TWO: Just what are you looking for?
VOICE ONE: Ratings, baby.
Feature a splash page, with a majestic hovercraft over a shining skyline. People young and old are smiling and pointing.
CAPTION: The Superstar Seven in “My Three (Alternate Universe) Sons” (Writing and Art credits)
CAPTION: When people see the hovercrafts, their hearts and spirits lift. For these powerful ships are owned by The Volunteers, the world’s premier team of heroes.
Feature the high-tech interior of the ship, where five teen heroes sit.
CAPTION: Unfortunately, this hovercraft was “borrowed” from The Volunteers.
CAPTION: VISOR.
VISOR: H-W, fly by that apartment building on 8th and Charlton, let’s see if we can catch those sunbathers out again. I wanna try out my X-ray vision.
CAPTION: RETRO GIRL.
RETRO GIRL: Dream on, Viz.
CAPTION: THE HARD-WIRED KID.
HARD-WIRED KID: Visor, I believe there is an anomaly below us that deserves investigating.
CAPTION: SPITBALL.
SPITBALL: It’s all good, H-W, it’s just me. I’ve got my Game Boy hooked into the main viewscreen.
CAPTION: LEMMING LAD.
LEMMING LAD: That’s not Game Boy, that’s King Wave! Now we’re all going to die!
Feature a heavily-muscled reptilian man, wearing a giant fishbowl on his head, directing a bevy of claw-clacking and tentacled creatures through the streets.
KING WAVE: Spread out, my minions! This time, the surface world will be ours!
Feature the interior of the ship.
LEMMING LAD: I got dibs on staying behind and flying the hovercraft!
SPITBALL: Wuss.
VISOR: This one’s for Sweeps Week, baby! Let’s roll tape!
Feature Visor, Spitball, the Hard-Wired Kid, and Retro Girl bailing out of the ship, outlined against the skyline. A flurry of little flying, robotic cameras follow in their wake.
SPITBALL: I got the bread crumbs!
VISOR: I got the butter! Let’s do this!
Feature King Wave, buggle-eyed.
KING WAVE: Not you meddling kids!
With a mighty CLONG, King Wave separates the Hard-Wired Kid’s head from his body, and it goes skidding off down the sidewalk.
RETRO GIRL: YOU KILLED HIM!
Feature H-W’s head.
HWK: Not—tcchh—so. If somebody would bring me my---tcchh—soldering iron—
Spitball, curled up into the fetal position, ricochets off of King Wave’s helmet with a teeth-jarring KABONG.
SPITBALL: I’ll catch you on the rebound!
Visor’s goggles flare up.
VISOR: Now let’s put the heat on!
Retro Girl stands holding H-WK’s head.
RETRO GIRL: I can’t believe you two! Our friend is hurt, and you’re just trying to plant a new catch-phrase into America’s subconscious!
Spitball gets snatched out of mid-air by a huge claw, and gets dragged down toward a gaping maw.
SPITBALL: Ulp!
Visor is tangled up with a tentacled monster and is getting squeezed mercilessly as he tries in vain to fight back.
VISOR: Don’t get all touchy-feely on me! I’ve got butts to kick!
Another tentacled monster grabs Retro Girl around the neck. A little kid standing nearby watches with interest.
KID: Hey, aren’t you guys the ones on TV all the time?
RETRO GIRL (gasping) Yes, now get outta here, kid!
KID: Why? This is all fake like wrestling, right?
A monster whacks the kid with a scaly tail, sending him ricocheting down the street.
Suddenly, twin bolts of fire scorch the monster, and Retro Girl wiggles free.
RETRO GIRL: What the—
Feature The Volunteers, broad-shouldered heroes with their hands on their hips. Their roster: The Star-Spangled Fist (Standard patriotic hero), Visor Man (looks suspiciously like an older Visor), Scarlet Scorcher (flame-control powers), 0-2-60 (high-strung speedster), Targeteer (aggressive-looking weapons master with Robin Hood hat and moustache). (Note passing resemblance to 60s-era Avengers)
FIST: You’re all washed up, King Wave!
SPITBALL: Damn, I wish I had thought of that one!
Feature a few panels of The Volunteers mopping up the undersea invaders. Targeteer shoots one full of arrows, 0-2-60 whips the spears out of several creatures’ hands at super-speed, Scarlet Scorcher throws a fire-ring around several more, Visor Man blasts a few, Fist goes toe-to-toe with King Wave.
Feature The Star-Spangled Fist dragging King Wave by the scruff of his neck as Spitball approaches.
SPITBALL (sarcastically): Ooooh, it’s The Volunteers! We would have had this wrapped up in a minute, but you just had to come along and take sloppy seconds, huh?
Feature a close-up of Fist in full glower.
SPITBALL: Er—it’s all good, though, we don’t need the publicity. Later—
He turns around and bumps into Targeteer’s chest.
TARGETEER: There is, of course, the small matter of the hovercraft.
Visor bullies his way in.
VISOR: Hey, screw you, pal! I call it an eye for an eye! What’s up with “Visor Man’? What about copyright infringement? I’ve got merchandising to think of, man!
Visor Man steps forward.
VISOR MAN: I-I’ve been trying to get up the nerve to introduce myself to you, father. I—
VISOR: Whooooah! What did you say?
VISOR MAN: I—I said “father.” You are my father, and I traveled back in time from an alternate future hoping to one day meet you, and have since been trapped here—
SPITBALL: You mean Viz is actually going to get some action?!
Visor elbows Spitball in the gut.
VISOR MAN: I have tried to live up to your legacy, father. I have made improvements on the visor—
SPITBALL: Yeah, yeah, that’s all good, but I got to know—who wins the next 30 Super Bowls?
Retro Girl steps up, still holding the Hard-Wired Kid’s head under her arm.
RETRO GIRL: More importantly…who’s your mother?
Cut to the team bursting through the doors of the team’s clubhouse.
LEMMING LAD AND SPITBALL: VISOR AND CATNAP, SIT-TING IN A TREE—
CATNAP is polishing her claws.
CATNAP: What’s this?
VISOR: Never mind. Where’s Slingshot?
CATNAP: Where he always is, surfing the ‘Net for porn.
VISOR: It’s time to call a team meeting. The Volunteers took their hovercraft back.
CATNAP: Yo, popsicle! Get out here!
Slingshot walks through the door.
SLINGSHOT: Gosh, gals sure have changed since I got frozen in that iceberg back during the War!
SPITBALL: Well, this will knock the freezer-burn right off ya, big guy. It turns out that Visor and—
VISOR: SHADDUP!
CATNAP: What’s bouncy-boy talking about, Visor?
VISOR (visibly nervous): Nothing, it’s just that…well, you know that new guy Visor Man in The Volunteers? Well, heh—he was telling us today he’s from an alternate future, and he’s—heh, heh—our son.
Feature several panels in a row of Catnap’s stony expression. Finally:
CATNAP: He did say an alternate future, didn’t he?
Lemming Lad and Spitball fall down laughing. A camera with a blinking light watches from the corner.
Feature the same scene on a television monitor.
VOICE ONE: Thank God! I think the show is saved!
VOICE TWO: Saved? We haven’t been doing that badly—
VOICE ONE: We were getting killed by “Matlock” reruns in Philly! I mean, look—Retro Girl can hardly stand Visor, there’s no sparks there—I thought the kid we thawed out would turn out to be gay, that didn’t fly—the “bad girl” hasn’t slept with anybody--the robot kid, what’s his name, he doesn’t act Black at all—but this alternate future thing?….now we got something.
Feature the clubhouse again.
SPITBALL: Yeah, I don’t have any alternate universe kids—that I know of! Heh heh.
SLINGSHOT: Did she have any alternate-universe sisters?
VISOR: Will you guys shut up, you know I haven’t been to any alternate universes!
SPITBALL: Whatever you say, playa.
CATNAP: I am really, really starting to hate myself.
Suddenly an alarm blares.
VISOR: The intruder alert! Everybody scramble—YOU!!
Feature Visor Man.
VISOR MAN: I’m sorry to break in, but I had to talk to you, father—mother.
Feature Catnap and Visor.
VISOR: Jeez, now what?
VISOR MAN: I—I just wanted you to know how much—how much I missed you after you—er--
VISOR: Whoa, whoa, hold up. We get—killed?
VISOR MAN: I—I can’t say any more.
Catnap puts her fingers in her ears and closes her eyes.
CATNAP: Not listening, not looking, not listening—
VISOR: You’d tell you dear old pops, wouldn’t you?
VISOR MAN: It…it started with the murderous rampage of a giant robot—
Suddenly, a giant robot fist smashes through the roof and snatches Visor Man up in his grasp.
Visor and Catnap look up and see the twenty-foot tall monster, with “ennui” stenciled on its chest, begin to lumber away.
LEMMING LAD: Dibs on monitor duty!
SPITBALL: Wimp!
Feature a restored Hard-Wired Kid.
H-WK: Excuse me, team-mates, but that robot displays many of the characteristics exhibited by previous robots constructed by Dr. Cybershatter, The Volunteers’ greatest foe.
VISOR: Visor Man…he said it started with a robot!
CATNAP: And Moby Dick started with “Call me Ishmael”. Who cares? Let’s rock!
Cut to the team, minus Lemming Lad, racing down the street, following the robot’s path of destruction. A flurry of little flying cameras follow behind.
VISOR: Retro Girl—use your power to speed up and slow down time to allow us to catch the robot!
RETRO GIRL: Okay, okay, but easy on the exposition! It’s ten weeks into the season, everybody knows my powers by now!
Retro Girl puts her fingertips to her head, and waves of energy come out. Feature a panel of the background whipping by in a blur, as Retro Girl speeds the group up through time. Suddenly they have caught up to the robot, who is disappearing into an old warehouse. The team regroups.
CATNAP: There he goes!
H-W K: It appears to be an abandoned warehouse.
SLINGSHOT: You know, if somebody would just tear down all these old warehouses, our jobs would get a lot easier!
RETRO GIRL: Ooooh, now I’ve got a headache. And I left my purse back at HQ. Anybody got an aspirin?
SPITBALL: Aspirin? We don’t even have pockets!
VISOR: Okay, team, here’s the plan. Catnap and Slingshot, you—OH SH--!
KABOOM! Suddenly, a wall comes down, and a bevy of robots spill out from behind it, swinging fists and shooting lasers. The teens fall into a full-scale fight. Retro Girl grabs the Hard-Wired Kid by the back of his shirt and pulls him through the warehouse door.
RETRO GIRL: C’mon, H-K, let’s get to the real plan.
The duo stops short just inside the door, eyes wide. POV Retro Girl as she surveys the scene: five glass tubes, each housing a member of The Volunteers in suspended animation. On a raised dais, Dr. Cybershatter is cackling insanely. The giant “ennui” robot stands at attention nearby.
DR. CYBERSHATTER: Finally, the moment of my greatest triumph is upon us—the utter defeat of The Volunteers! And you think you—you TV personalities—are going to stop me?
Feature the fight outside. Slingshot gets socked in the jaw, and flies through the air. Spitball bounces up with a mighty SPROING and catches him in mid-air.
SPITBALL: Tuck in your chin, Slingshot! It’s a wonder the Nazis aren’t in New York today!
SLINGSHOT: Hey, I got frozen before the war was over!
SPITBALL: Good thing!
Catnap claws the guts out of a robot. Visor is blasting one alongside her.
VISOR: Great fighting form, Catnap!
CATNAP: It ain’t gonna happen, Visor.
Another robot gets ready to club Catnap down, and Visor intercedes with a laser blast.
VISOR: LOOK OUT!
The robot explodes, showering them with parts. Catnap still looks unconcerned.
VISOR: Are you okay? I’m just thinking about our—
CATNAP: Still not gonna happen, Visor.
Feature the interior of the warehouse.
CAPTION: Meanwhile…
RETRO GIRL: You know, doc, this is a real waste.
DR. CYBERSHATTER: You are speaking out of turn, child! This is my life’s work!
RETRO GIRL: You know, that’s great, but did you patent any of this stuff?
DR. CYBERSHATTER: Patent?
Feature H-W Kid sneaking off and extending a finger into a nearby control panel.
RETRO GIRL: The licensing on the inventions in this room alone could bring you millions! And just think if you floated stock on the market! When you knock over a bank with these robots how much do you clear?
DR. CYBERSHATTER: Well, I—
RETRO GIRL: Don’t forget to subtract your personal market value, some of which is lost every time you do a year of two in jail, because you pretty much get busted by The Volunteers every time you try something.
DR. CYBERSHATTER: Not this time! This time I triumph!
RETRO GIRL: So then what? Do you even have a 401K?
Feature the Hard-Wired Kid.
H-WK: Processing the XY-02 constructs….bypassing the atari subroutines…
DR. CYBERSHATTER: But…what about taxes?
RETRO GIRL: Everything goes off-shore, to Bermuda or somewhere. Tax shelters in the Pacific, and the Swiss handle your savings. Sub-contract the labor in Mexico and Viet Nam. You’ll have buyers in every country in the world. Of course, you’ll need to build a web site.
DR. CYBERSHATTER: Good Lord, child. I never realized—
Suddenly the Hard-Wired Kid springs the suspended animation chambers, and The Volunteers step out in a daze. The next moment, Visor and the others burst through the door.
RETRO GIRL: NO! DON’T—
Spitball takes a tremendous bounce off of Dr. Cybershatter’s head. Visor finishes him off with a sizzling blast, and he falls. Spitball lands alongside as Slingshot bursts in the door.
SPITBALL: Now that’s one for CNN, baby.
RETRO GIRL: You idiots! I had him talked out of it!
VISOR: Talking doesn’t sell t-shirts, Retro Girl.
The Star-Spangled Fist steps up and clasps Visor’s shoulder. Catnap crouches warily nearby. Visor Man stands behind, smiling.
FIST: Your team—you—well—good work, son.
VISOR: Ah, bite me. Hey, you okay, Visor Man?
VISOR MAN: I am well, father, thank you.
VISOR: Hey, what’s your real name, anyway?
VISOR MAN: It is Bernard.
VISOR: Bernard? I’m sorry, man, Catnap must have stuck you with that one. Hey, Bernard, you’re old enough to buy beer, right?
Feature Scarlet Scorcher, Retro Girl and the Hard-Wired Kid.
SCARLET SCORCHER: You know, I thought your team was just “The Real World” with capes. I guess there might be something more to you than that.
RETRO GIRL: Yeah…there might.
POV FLYING CAMERA, showing Retro Girl in a fish-eye lens. Her hand grows big as she reaches for it. The next panel is all wavy lines, as she grabs the camera. The last panel is black.
CAPTION: Fade out.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Monday, December 31, 2007
And That's It
Saturday night we had our second Christmas with my brother-in-law's family from Georgia, driving from water scarcity to cold a-plenty. We cheered on Peyton's younger brother, who tried to upend the evil Patriots, the only force capable of stopping the Colts' rightful place at the throne of a second straight Super Bowl. Unfortunately Tom Brady, the spawn of Great Cthulhu who throws out a "Hail Satan" before falling into a drunken stupor every night on a pile of newspapers in the park, is now charted on an inevitable course to face the sainted Peyton Manning, who drinks milk every night before dropping to his knees and praising the Baby Jesus for his God-given talents on this righteous team. If only a wall of holy fire would sweep across Foxboro and wipe this blight from the Earth, our Colts could have what is theirs by right. Soon we will know how it all plays out.
Meanwhile, 2006 kinda sucked but 2007 was better. I had my most productive year freelancing, finishing seven scripts for hire, some of which will hopefully see the light of day in 2008. SEX MACHINE came out in May, THE DA VINCI CURSE came out in Japan on DVD but has yet to appear in the U.S. and AMONG US started playing on the Space Channel in Canada. My day job was fun and challenging. My daughter graduated high school and I started empty nesting. I almost peeled my thumbprint off in an accident. There was a blizzard back there and a trip to Florida and another Microcinema Fest and the Small Press Expo and the Phantoscope Film Fest and a bunch of other stuff. The Colts won the Super Bowl and I have been married for twenty years. For the one zillionth straight year I am holding the course with the same resolutions to lose weight, be more productive and steer my family from danger.
Happy 2008, everybody!
Meanwhile, 2006 kinda sucked but 2007 was better. I had my most productive year freelancing, finishing seven scripts for hire, some of which will hopefully see the light of day in 2008. SEX MACHINE came out in May, THE DA VINCI CURSE came out in Japan on DVD but has yet to appear in the U.S. and AMONG US started playing on the Space Channel in Canada. My day job was fun and challenging. My daughter graduated high school and I started empty nesting. I almost peeled my thumbprint off in an accident. There was a blizzard back there and a trip to Florida and another Microcinema Fest and the Small Press Expo and the Phantoscope Film Fest and a bunch of other stuff. The Colts won the Super Bowl and I have been married for twenty years. For the one zillionth straight year I am holding the course with the same resolutions to lose weight, be more productive and steer my family from danger.
Happy 2008, everybody!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Green Christmas
Not everybody likes a green Christmas, but I do. There's just too much driving around to do. If it starts snowing on a Friday night and stops Sunday night that's about the perfect winter for me.
It was a good Christmas. I got a 32" LCD television from my in-laws, and as I've stated before the bigger the television I own the less liberal I feel. But damn it looks nice. My brother got me Darwyn Cook's THE NEW FRONTIER ABSOLUTE EDITION which is excellent, but at about ninety pounds is hard to read on the toilet. I bought him AXIS AND ALLIES: GUADACANAL which is like buying myself something because we will play it together. My daughter bought me some good 70s compilation CDs and my son bought me a bottle of wine from an Indiana winery. My wife bought me a nice leather coat with a Sopranos-ish feel. I got a bunch of new clothes and two new pairs of shoes with my Christmas money and shaved off a little "mad money" to buy the novel TREE OF SMOKE that I really want to read, as well as THE BEST AMERICAN COMICS 2007 in hardback, then a GUILD WARS upgrade for my online game. But I was 2/3rds good on my spending, and I still have $25 left.
My son Daniel and my brother Eric and my old pal Hal played the annual seasonal gaming session by re-creating the Battle of Endor with the Star Wars miniatures game. I took the Ewoks because I knew nobody else wanted them. The rebels won fairly handily considering that the Ewok general led them to somewhat gleeful suicide, a fuzzy little shield wall protecting Han, Leia, Chewie, and the droids, who overran the bunker.
I've dozed a bit and eaten pretty well and shopped until I was tired and seen a couple of movies, and it's almost time to face 2008. I hope all of my loyal readers had a good holiday as well.
Until later, holiday wishes can be sent to johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
It was a good Christmas. I got a 32" LCD television from my in-laws, and as I've stated before the bigger the television I own the less liberal I feel. But damn it looks nice. My brother got me Darwyn Cook's THE NEW FRONTIER ABSOLUTE EDITION which is excellent, but at about ninety pounds is hard to read on the toilet. I bought him AXIS AND ALLIES: GUADACANAL which is like buying myself something because we will play it together. My daughter bought me some good 70s compilation CDs and my son bought me a bottle of wine from an Indiana winery. My wife bought me a nice leather coat with a Sopranos-ish feel. I got a bunch of new clothes and two new pairs of shoes with my Christmas money and shaved off a little "mad money" to buy the novel TREE OF SMOKE that I really want to read, as well as THE BEST AMERICAN COMICS 2007 in hardback, then a GUILD WARS upgrade for my online game. But I was 2/3rds good on my spending, and I still have $25 left.
My son Daniel and my brother Eric and my old pal Hal played the annual seasonal gaming session by re-creating the Battle of Endor with the Star Wars miniatures game. I took the Ewoks because I knew nobody else wanted them. The rebels won fairly handily considering that the Ewok general led them to somewhat gleeful suicide, a fuzzy little shield wall protecting Han, Leia, Chewie, and the droids, who overran the bunker.
I've dozed a bit and eaten pretty well and shopped until I was tired and seen a couple of movies, and it's almost time to face 2008. I hope all of my loyal readers had a good holiday as well.
Until later, holiday wishes can be sent to johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Frosty Eve
We always frost cookies on Christmas Eve, a holiday tradition from my childhood. Naturally, my own children hate this sacred custom.Sunday, December 23, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Deck the (Day Job) Halls
Me directing the live television side of a local traditional Christmas show simulcast on radio and television in our area.Wednesday, December 12, 2007
From Croatia With Love
Says the Goran Visnjic fan site, about John Oak Dalton's blog, "that one actually made me laugh out loud."
Hey, if you write enough b-movies, you start taking praise where you can get it.
Ever since I posted about my wife stumbling into Goran Visnjic and Maura Tierney in Chicago on a shopping day my site has been getting slammed by hits from Visnijic's fan site, as well as an ER fan site. Fortunately my wife never reads my blog, or she would find out the existence of such places, and she would be gone from me for good, watching THE DEEP END over and over.
She just didn't believe me when I told her I had read in the paper that Visnjic was trying to mend his broken heart--after being dumped by Antonio Banderas--in the arms of George Clooney, himself only recently dumped by Johnny Depp.
You know what would really help me? If Gorn Visnjic would play a gay guy in a movie. My wife's burning passion for James Purefoy, featured in HBO's ROME as Mark Anthony--or as my wife called him, Mark Hotony--cooled a bit when I told her he had also played costar Kevin McKidd's boyfriend in BEDROOMS AND HALLWAYS. When it was all burnished helmets and clashing swords that was one thing, but once the other idea was planted it couldn't quite be shook loose.
You know what is really a pretty good movie with Maura Tierney? SCOTLAND, PA.
Everybody has their "free passes" in their marriages, and my wife suspects mine is Maura Tierney. Even though her rather lengthy list is shared openly, long-married dudes know to keep theirs under wraps. I was a bit astounded at another couple we were having dinner with last Friday, who revealed theirs were Harvey Keitel and Jami Gertz. Harvey Keitel! And the husband's choice of Jami Gertz was not only a shade esoteric--I had to hit IMDB to make sure I knew who he was talking about--but potentially dangerous, because there is always a chance that Ms. Gertz might one day pass through Indiana in some sort of traveling dinner show or something, and your free pass has to be somebody completely unreachable by mortal people.
Husbands, if you want to be safe, mention women that are only accessible by time machine--like Linda Stirling in about 1944 (check out PERILS OF THE DARKEST JUNGLE), Suzanne Pleshette in about 1966 (although 1969's IF IT'S TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE BELGIUM got burned into my brain at a young age), Lynda Carter in about 1975 (scratch that, she still looks pretty good, and so does Jaclyn Smith, now that I'm googling names).
In other news, friends in California were facing wildfires, friends in Oklahoma are blacked out and under a sheet of ice, and my brother-in-law in Georgia was within a few short weeks of being COMPLETELY OUT OF WATER because of the draught. There are worse places to live than Indiana, methinks.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Hey, if you write enough b-movies, you start taking praise where you can get it.
Ever since I posted about my wife stumbling into Goran Visnjic and Maura Tierney in Chicago on a shopping day my site has been getting slammed by hits from Visnijic's fan site, as well as an ER fan site. Fortunately my wife never reads my blog, or she would find out the existence of such places, and she would be gone from me for good, watching THE DEEP END over and over.
She just didn't believe me when I told her I had read in the paper that Visnjic was trying to mend his broken heart--after being dumped by Antonio Banderas--in the arms of George Clooney, himself only recently dumped by Johnny Depp.
You know what would really help me? If Gorn Visnjic would play a gay guy in a movie. My wife's burning passion for James Purefoy, featured in HBO's ROME as Mark Anthony--or as my wife called him, Mark Hotony--cooled a bit when I told her he had also played costar Kevin McKidd's boyfriend in BEDROOMS AND HALLWAYS. When it was all burnished helmets and clashing swords that was one thing, but once the other idea was planted it couldn't quite be shook loose.
You know what is really a pretty good movie with Maura Tierney? SCOTLAND, PA.
Everybody has their "free passes" in their marriages, and my wife suspects mine is Maura Tierney. Even though her rather lengthy list is shared openly, long-married dudes know to keep theirs under wraps. I was a bit astounded at another couple we were having dinner with last Friday, who revealed theirs were Harvey Keitel and Jami Gertz. Harvey Keitel! And the husband's choice of Jami Gertz was not only a shade esoteric--I had to hit IMDB to make sure I knew who he was talking about--but potentially dangerous, because there is always a chance that Ms. Gertz might one day pass through Indiana in some sort of traveling dinner show or something, and your free pass has to be somebody completely unreachable by mortal people.
Husbands, if you want to be safe, mention women that are only accessible by time machine--like Linda Stirling in about 1944 (check out PERILS OF THE DARKEST JUNGLE), Suzanne Pleshette in about 1966 (although 1969's IF IT'S TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE BELGIUM got burned into my brain at a young age), Lynda Carter in about 1975 (scratch that, she still looks pretty good, and so does Jaclyn Smith, now that I'm googling names).
In other news, friends in California were facing wildfires, friends in Oklahoma are blacked out and under a sheet of ice, and my brother-in-law in Georgia was within a few short weeks of being COMPLETELY OUT OF WATER because of the draught. There are worse places to live than Indiana, methinks.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Book Beat December 2007
My latest BOOK BEAT column for "Pomp and Circumstantial Evidence," the magazine of the Magna Cum Murder Mystery Conference:
STALIN’S GHOST by Martin Cruz Smith
Rewarding new entry in the long-running series about Russian police detective Arkady Renko, from Martin Cruz Smith. Every installment reflects something new in the political landscape of Russia, and this one is no different as Renko, long politically out of favor, is put on what seems to be the ludicrous case of several subway passengers seeing Stalin’s ghost. This becomes a jumping-off point for a typically tangled web of lies and murder that stretches all the way from Chechnya back to the New Russia. Really solid entry in the series.
A CINDERELLA AFFIDAVIT by Michael Fredrickson
Very chewy legal thriller features an inexperienced criminal lawyer whose client is killed, and how the lawyer’s insistence on clearing his name uncovers connections to police corruption and an east coast crime lord. Paints a vivid portrayal of various citizens in Boston from the lowest snitch to the future governor, and dense with courtroom scenes; a strong debut from Michael Fredrickson.
VOICES by Arnaldur Indridason
Icelandic crime novelist Arnaldur Indridason is back with mournful Reykjavik policeman Erlendur Sveinsson in tow, this time finding a murdered Santa in a compromising position over the holidays in a nice hotel. Indridason’s writing is dark and often darkly comic, full of clear-eyed observations and hard-boiled plotting; but what I enjoy most is his parallel storytelling, plumbing the depths of his flawed protagonist as his own life is revealed in the tragic crimes he investigates. A new favorite of mine.
LOST by Michael Robotham
Rough-hewn London copper Vincent Ruiz returns in Robotham’s sophomore mystery, which opens with Ruiz shot up and left for dead in the Thames after a botched undercover job. He recovers, but memory gaps leave his colleagues suspicious and the detective straining for answers as he pieces together what happened. A kidnapped girl is at the center of it all, and Ruiz races the clock to save the girl and his reputation. Strong characters buoy a somewhat rickety plot, but remains interesting throughout.
KILLING FLOOR by Lee Child
The first in Lee Child’s long-running Jack Reacher series features the hard-nosed ex-military man turned drifter on a “you killed my brother” bent through a sleepy Southern town. Child rather cheerily strains believability, as within a matter of a few days Reacher has the town’s police force answering to him and has bedded the only female police officer in town, and routinely fights four or five men at a time. But Child’s interesting characters, keen eye for detail, and brisk plotting glosses over the gaps.
THE WOUNDED AND THE SLAIN by David Goodis
Absolutely bleak noir, in the Hard Case Crime series of forgotten classics of the genre, from one of my favorite little-known pulp writers David Goodis. Here a frigid wife with repressed memories is in conflict with an alcoholic husband while trying to patch up their marriage at a resort. Bursts of violence shatter their reconciliation, though Goodis allows for the faint whiff of redemption in the closing pages, amidst the spatter. The Hard Case Crime series continues to please with one of my favorite entries in the series to date.
STALIN’S GHOST by Martin Cruz Smith
Rewarding new entry in the long-running series about Russian police detective Arkady Renko, from Martin Cruz Smith. Every installment reflects something new in the political landscape of Russia, and this one is no different as Renko, long politically out of favor, is put on what seems to be the ludicrous case of several subway passengers seeing Stalin’s ghost. This becomes a jumping-off point for a typically tangled web of lies and murder that stretches all the way from Chechnya back to the New Russia. Really solid entry in the series.
A CINDERELLA AFFIDAVIT by Michael Fredrickson
Very chewy legal thriller features an inexperienced criminal lawyer whose client is killed, and how the lawyer’s insistence on clearing his name uncovers connections to police corruption and an east coast crime lord. Paints a vivid portrayal of various citizens in Boston from the lowest snitch to the future governor, and dense with courtroom scenes; a strong debut from Michael Fredrickson.
VOICES by Arnaldur Indridason
Icelandic crime novelist Arnaldur Indridason is back with mournful Reykjavik policeman Erlendur Sveinsson in tow, this time finding a murdered Santa in a compromising position over the holidays in a nice hotel. Indridason’s writing is dark and often darkly comic, full of clear-eyed observations and hard-boiled plotting; but what I enjoy most is his parallel storytelling, plumbing the depths of his flawed protagonist as his own life is revealed in the tragic crimes he investigates. A new favorite of mine.
LOST by Michael Robotham
Rough-hewn London copper Vincent Ruiz returns in Robotham’s sophomore mystery, which opens with Ruiz shot up and left for dead in the Thames after a botched undercover job. He recovers, but memory gaps leave his colleagues suspicious and the detective straining for answers as he pieces together what happened. A kidnapped girl is at the center of it all, and Ruiz races the clock to save the girl and his reputation. Strong characters buoy a somewhat rickety plot, but remains interesting throughout.
KILLING FLOOR by Lee Child
The first in Lee Child’s long-running Jack Reacher series features the hard-nosed ex-military man turned drifter on a “you killed my brother” bent through a sleepy Southern town. Child rather cheerily strains believability, as within a matter of a few days Reacher has the town’s police force answering to him and has bedded the only female police officer in town, and routinely fights four or five men at a time. But Child’s interesting characters, keen eye for detail, and brisk plotting glosses over the gaps.
THE WOUNDED AND THE SLAIN by David Goodis
Absolutely bleak noir, in the Hard Case Crime series of forgotten classics of the genre, from one of my favorite little-known pulp writers David Goodis. Here a frigid wife with repressed memories is in conflict with an alcoholic husband while trying to patch up their marriage at a resort. Bursts of violence shatter their reconciliation, though Goodis allows for the faint whiff of redemption in the closing pages, amidst the spatter. The Hard Case Crime series continues to please with one of my favorite entries in the series to date.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Take the Skinheads Bowling
We've had big slugs of snow, and then rain, and today ice. We are all hunkering down. Normally this would include football but since Thanksgiving--when my wife declared that football ruined Thanksgiving, which to me is like saying turkey ruined Thanksgiving--football has been absorbed in covert glances here and there. Our new neighbors from California looked rather dour when I was at the mailbox yesterday. Y'all are in Indiana now, I thought--and it's only just begun.
Yesterday I bowled four games, two at the Big Brothers/Big Sisters Christmas party and two at my nephew Jesse's 11th birthday party. I bought him the RISK board game, which he and his fifth-grade posse fell right on. Last year the same happened when I bought him STRATEGO. Take that, Wii. Earlier I bowled two good games for me--a 121 and a 132--but I've got a blister today that I get reminded of the more I type here.
So signing off at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Yesterday I bowled four games, two at the Big Brothers/Big Sisters Christmas party and two at my nephew Jesse's 11th birthday party. I bought him the RISK board game, which he and his fifth-grade posse fell right on. Last year the same happened when I bought him STRATEGO. Take that, Wii. Earlier I bowled two good games for me--a 121 and a 132--but I've got a blister today that I get reminded of the more I type here.
So signing off at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Life in the ER
Last night was the ER episode that my wife wandered into on a bus trip to Chicago with my mother and mother-in-law. They turned the wrong way off of the bus and soon were in the midst of a bunch of trailers and tents and all of a sudden there was Goran Visnjic and Maura Tierney having a pretend fight. Since my wife loves Goran Visnjic she described him as dashing and handsome in real life and chatting up the crew and since she suspects I like Maura Tierney she described her as pale and wan and standing off by herself with the hood of her coat pulled around her face to ward off the cold. She has since expressed an interest in the movie DOCTOR SLEEP, an agreeable enough supernatural thriller with the faint whiff of crapola wherein Mr. Visnjic plays a psychologist with the psychic power to invade dreams, the kind of stuff my wife would normally avoid with a passion. If Visnjic gets cast on DOCTOR WHO or the STAR TREK movie this might work to my advantage; otherwise I must monitor this situation closely, and Visnjic's career with deep suspicion.
In other movie news, I went to see BEOWULF. I liked it well enough that I am re-reading the great Seamus Heaney translation. But on the other hand I don't know why they felt they had to mess with the story; somehow people have liked it for thousands of years just the way it was. Although I think their depiction of the dangers of sleeping with Angelina Jolie were well documented.
In other entertainment news, I finished a truly excellent book called THE BRIEF WONDROUS LIFE OF OSCAR WAO by Junot Diaz that I strongly recommend to all of my nerd friends. It's like an urban version of FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE by Jonathan Lethem, one of my favorite books of the last few years (along with THE BRIEF HISTORY OF THE DEAD by Kevin Brockmeier and CARTER BEATS THE DEVIL by Glenn Gold).
I'm getting tired of taking the rest of the year off from writing and wondering what the new year will bring. Until then, give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
In other movie news, I went to see BEOWULF. I liked it well enough that I am re-reading the great Seamus Heaney translation. But on the other hand I don't know why they felt they had to mess with the story; somehow people have liked it for thousands of years just the way it was. Although I think their depiction of the dangers of sleeping with Angelina Jolie were well documented.
In other entertainment news, I finished a truly excellent book called THE BRIEF WONDROUS LIFE OF OSCAR WAO by Junot Diaz that I strongly recommend to all of my nerd friends. It's like an urban version of FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE by Jonathan Lethem, one of my favorite books of the last few years (along with THE BRIEF HISTORY OF THE DEAD by Kevin Brockmeier and CARTER BEATS THE DEVIL by Glenn Gold).
I'm getting tired of taking the rest of the year off from writing and wondering what the new year will bring. Until then, give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
I Thumbed Right Through My Little Red Book
The interwebs is funny. Like sometimes you start getting a bunch of hits from a site which I think is a French message board about the Japanese release of a movie you wrote called THE DA VINCI CURSE. Babel Fish might not exactly hit it right on the head, but the (translated) comments are interesting nonetheless:
In short, one has the impression that it is a film of pals, made with a little means.
Well, I can't say my French brother was 100% wrong.
It is realise by the Polonia brothers who seem to be specialists of this kind of tricks.
Two for two!
Find on the blog of the guy who has ecrit the scenario http://johnoakdalton.blogspot.com/ C is funny but my premiere opinion on this film has ete "holds one would say an adaptation of a scenario Cthulhu 1945 fact one following day of cooked by a band of pals". But the reading of the blog has, one wonders whether it is not Ca. One can same have doubts about the dimension assumes trick.
I don't fully understand this post but I will fess up to playing some "Call of Cthulhu" back in the day, though THE DA VINCI CURSE had more to do with my love of books like THE BIG RED ONE and THE NAKED AND THE DEAD.
Feel free to give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
In short, one has the impression that it is a film of pals, made with a little means.
Well, I can't say my French brother was 100% wrong.
It is realise by the Polonia brothers who seem to be specialists of this kind of tricks.
Two for two!
Find on the blog of the guy who has ecrit the scenario http://johnoakdalton.blogspot.com/ C is funny but my premiere opinion on this film has ete "holds one would say an adaptation of a scenario Cthulhu 1945 fact one following day of cooked by a band of pals". But the reading of the blog has, one wonders whether it is not Ca. One can same have doubts about the dimension assumes trick.
I don't fully understand this post but I will fess up to playing some "Call of Cthulhu" back in the day, though THE DA VINCI CURSE had more to do with my love of books like THE BIG RED ONE and THE NAKED AND THE DEAD.
Feel free to give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Friday, November 23, 2007
European Front
An annual Thanksgiving tradition...the playing of Axis and Allies amongst the menfolk, here represented by my son Daniel, my brother Eric, and myself. An added holiday bonus was that the Colts were beating up the Falcons at the same time. Unfortunately the U.S. was slow to destroy the Nazi U-Boats and staged an invasion of France too late to save a valiant Russian defense. Another parallel universe falls.Monday, November 19, 2007
And He Hath Given To The Earth People To Sit And Look Profound
In reference to the post about my picture hanging up in the new Letterman Building at Ball State, infrequent reader Nancy writes: Found your pic outside WCRD in a case. No mullet. That's someone else. You have short hair and look, maybe, 13.
I look pre-pubescent? Not great, but at least there's proof that I DIDN'T HAVE A MULLET.
My old pal The Mighty Caveman wrote and asked if I would like to join up with a group of people who want to read and then blog about 50 books in 2008. You know I'm about the nerd extreme sports. I am so there.
On the literary tip for a minute, I would have to say that it's just as likely that Orson Scott Card read Alexei Panshin's RITE OF PASSAGE before writing ENDER'S GAME as it is that Stephen King read Samuel R. Delany's THE EINSTEIN INTERSECTION before writing THE DARK TOWER.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
I look pre-pubescent? Not great, but at least there's proof that I DIDN'T HAVE A MULLET.
My old pal The Mighty Caveman wrote and asked if I would like to join up with a group of people who want to read and then blog about 50 books in 2008. You know I'm about the nerd extreme sports. I am so there.
On the literary tip for a minute, I would have to say that it's just as likely that Orson Scott Card read Alexei Panshin's RITE OF PASSAGE before writing ENDER'S GAME as it is that Stephen King read Samuel R. Delany's THE EINSTEIN INTERSECTION before writing THE DARK TOWER.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Let the Stars in the Firmament Remain as Bait
Somebody asked me if I stopped writing for the year because of the Writer's Strike. Actually I had stopped because I already wrote SEVEN DAMN SCRIPTS this year and that was enough for one humble Hoosier. But the more I learn about the strike the happier I am that I am chilling for a little while.
In other writing news, somebody else reported that they saw my photo hanging up in a display case at my alma mater, Ball State University, with other Letterman Scholarship winners in the brand new Letterman Building. I hope to get a second verification of this sighting, as this person reported that I had a mullet. Although it was in the happy year of 1987 A.D. when I won the Letterman Scholarship I NEVER HAD A MULLET. I was sporting hardly any business up front and almost no partying in the back.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
In other writing news, somebody else reported that they saw my photo hanging up in a display case at my alma mater, Ball State University, with other Letterman Scholarship winners in the brand new Letterman Building. I hope to get a second verification of this sighting, as this person reported that I had a mullet. Although it was in the happy year of 1987 A.D. when I won the Letterman Scholarship I NEVER HAD A MULLET. I was sporting hardly any business up front and almost no partying in the back.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
A Face, A Voice, An Overdub Has No Choice
A lot of brothers smarter than me are writing about the Writer's Strike. Some guys I read, for instance, like Kung Fu Monkey John Rogers. Or guru John August. Also Artful Writer Craig Mazin. And hipster Ken Levine.
And there are lots and lots of cool videos here.
And finally this United Hollywood blog will 'bout take care of anything else you want to know.
I know, I know, you're probably thinking I'm like a homeless dude eating out of a dumpster wondering if Donald Trump enjoyed his lunch. But in the end we're all in it together.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
And there are lots and lots of cool videos here.
And finally this United Hollywood blog will 'bout take care of anything else you want to know.
I know, I know, you're probably thinking I'm like a homeless dude eating out of a dumpster wondering if Donald Trump enjoyed his lunch. But in the end we're all in it together.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Toast and Marmalade for Tea
I thought I would take a moment and answer a few questions posted at my blog.
Longtime reader and independent cartoonist Tom writes, have you any thoughts on Muncie's new film festival? The start of something good or an one hit wonder? (And thanks for the comics, Tom!)
I thought my hometown's film festival was a good idea, but they should be brave enough to show only the independent work from Indiana instead of feeling they have to couple each work with a more famous mainstream work with Indiana ties, like HOOSIERS. Film festivals at that level should represent work not available anywhere else, especially not down the road at Blockbuster. Or maybe I'm just sour because nobody invited me. How many scripts does a brother have to sell to get a shout-out from his own hometown?
Mad pulp bastard Bill writes, I remember the Cougar and the whole of the Atlas line of super stars...
I do more than remember, thanks to ebay and studious attention to quarter bins at comic book shows I have quite a lot of them. And some of them ain't bad, especially DEMON HUNTER, THE HANDS OF THE DRAGON, and WULF THE BARBARIAN--athought two of those three only lasted one issue! An awesome site here.
Filmmaker Pete writes, Seven scripts in one year?!?!? Are you kidding me? My goal has always been to write one feature script a year. And that's a chore! How do you do it? Write a blog entry about that. I would love to hear your process.Also, what are the titles of the scripts... just curious.
You have to develop discipline enough to keep distractions at bay, like comics, TV, and Colts games (or in your case, Bucs games) and stop listening to that little voice in your head that tells you nobody cares but you and nothing will ever happen with the project and nobody will ever read your work. Although creativity is important, there is a lot of craft involved ; there are plenty of creative people in the world who can't stop playing XBox long enough to get the work done. And there is a lot of butt to chair involved.
That being said, it was my busiest year since I started really chasing freelancing in 2000 A.D. and I'm not sure that feat could be repeated.
This year was great for me in that I took '06 off because of a change of job and some family issues and I didn't know if I had been away too long. But right away I did SPLINTERHEAD and NEW JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH for Polonia Brothers Entertainment, a rewrite of the bigfoot movie PRIMAL which I believe came out from Automatic Media (though it came out without my rewrite), a rewrite of a serial killer movie MENTAL SCARS for producer Richard Myles, supernatural thriller URAMESHIYA (GHOST SCREAM) for New Zealand director Amit Tripuraneni (though we are still rewriting), and two projects I did on a nondisclosure that hopefully one day I can talk about, a sci-fi and a war movie.
Old gaming pal Barticus Rex writes: You can't drift from The Shield. Seriously. And check out Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother on CBS Monday nights.
Thanks for the leads. I hate missing THE SHIELD but it is too hard-core for my wife's delicate sensibilities. That's what DVD box sets are for, I guess.
New reader Brian writes, Law and Order:CI is still good. A better switch to USA.
This turned out to be true! I didn't realize this had even happened, so I found it and started watching it. It looks a little less glossy but, in my mind, is better than SVU (or as we call it in my house, SUV) right now.
Thanks for the feedback! Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Longtime reader and independent cartoonist Tom writes, have you any thoughts on Muncie's new film festival? The start of something good or an one hit wonder? (And thanks for the comics, Tom!)
I thought my hometown's film festival was a good idea, but they should be brave enough to show only the independent work from Indiana instead of feeling they have to couple each work with a more famous mainstream work with Indiana ties, like HOOSIERS. Film festivals at that level should represent work not available anywhere else, especially not down the road at Blockbuster. Or maybe I'm just sour because nobody invited me. How many scripts does a brother have to sell to get a shout-out from his own hometown?
Mad pulp bastard Bill writes, I remember the Cougar and the whole of the Atlas line of super stars...
I do more than remember, thanks to ebay and studious attention to quarter bins at comic book shows I have quite a lot of them. And some of them ain't bad, especially DEMON HUNTER, THE HANDS OF THE DRAGON, and WULF THE BARBARIAN--athought two of those three only lasted one issue! An awesome site here.
Filmmaker Pete writes, Seven scripts in one year?!?!? Are you kidding me? My goal has always been to write one feature script a year. And that's a chore! How do you do it? Write a blog entry about that. I would love to hear your process.Also, what are the titles of the scripts... just curious.
You have to develop discipline enough to keep distractions at bay, like comics, TV, and Colts games (or in your case, Bucs games) and stop listening to that little voice in your head that tells you nobody cares but you and nothing will ever happen with the project and nobody will ever read your work. Although creativity is important, there is a lot of craft involved ; there are plenty of creative people in the world who can't stop playing XBox long enough to get the work done. And there is a lot of butt to chair involved.
That being said, it was my busiest year since I started really chasing freelancing in 2000 A.D. and I'm not sure that feat could be repeated.
This year was great for me in that I took '06 off because of a change of job and some family issues and I didn't know if I had been away too long. But right away I did SPLINTERHEAD and NEW JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH for Polonia Brothers Entertainment, a rewrite of the bigfoot movie PRIMAL which I believe came out from Automatic Media (though it came out without my rewrite), a rewrite of a serial killer movie MENTAL SCARS for producer Richard Myles, supernatural thriller URAMESHIYA (GHOST SCREAM) for New Zealand director Amit Tripuraneni (though we are still rewriting), and two projects I did on a nondisclosure that hopefully one day I can talk about, a sci-fi and a war movie.
Old gaming pal Barticus Rex writes: You can't drift from The Shield. Seriously. And check out Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother on CBS Monday nights.
Thanks for the leads. I hate missing THE SHIELD but it is too hard-core for my wife's delicate sensibilities. That's what DVD box sets are for, I guess.
New reader Brian writes, Law and Order:CI is still good. A better switch to USA.
This turned out to be true! I didn't realize this had even happened, so I found it and started watching it. It looks a little less glossy but, in my mind, is better than SVU (or as we call it in my house, SUV) right now.
Thanks for the feedback! Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Friday, November 09, 2007
On the Picket Lines
Much respect to the people from "The Office" for this viral video about the writer's strike. I have joked about it a bit but the serious shit is going down. And even though I will probably never get in the Guild I will probably never play for the Pacers either, so good luck to them.
Actually, it doesn't matter on what level you write, and I think I've said this before, but by and large being a writer is like being a virgin. The captain of the football team calls and calls, but as soon as you give up what you got the phone stops ringing.
I've been reading a lot of the excellent Hard Case Crime paperback series lately, and straight up, a lot of those bastards died penniless and alone. And, of course, many, many others, from comic book writers to Edgar Allen Poe.
I will bet you anything Shakespeare was hearing some shit like, "Well, we've got this new paradigm, and as soon as we figure out this whole letting women play women instead of having young dudes play women thing, you'll get paid."
True story: once I was pitching some scripts to a pretty well-known direct-to-DVD producer and he interrupted me and said, "All I need is a title and box cover art, I don't need to know about the script." And that's about it.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Actually, it doesn't matter on what level you write, and I think I've said this before, but by and large being a writer is like being a virgin. The captain of the football team calls and calls, but as soon as you give up what you got the phone stops ringing.
I've been reading a lot of the excellent Hard Case Crime paperback series lately, and straight up, a lot of those bastards died penniless and alone. And, of course, many, many others, from comic book writers to Edgar Allen Poe.
I will bet you anything Shakespeare was hearing some shit like, "Well, we've got this new paradigm, and as soon as we figure out this whole letting women play women instead of having young dudes play women thing, you'll get paid."
True story: once I was pitching some scripts to a pretty well-known direct-to-DVD producer and he interrupted me and said, "All I need is a title and box cover art, I don't need to know about the script." And that's about it.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Centurions Roll Call!
In solidarity with my writing brothers I too am going into repeats of a kind. Once upon a time I played a lot of role-playing games with my pals, including the Marvel SAGA system. Naturally our fertile minds created our own Centurions Universe.Pretty soon as we became scattered far and wide we moved into message board turn-based gaming. We had a "web page" written with that crazy stuff called "HTML" and everything. I learned a lot about the interwebs that way. As the site got crazier and more elaborate I did a couple of "Sunday Comics" featuring our characters which were then computer colored by a fellow gamer and the world-builder, the Caveman.
Here is Issue One, featuring my character The Mote, Don's character The Marksman, Dave's character Hydromanex, and Doug's character Silent Majority.
Introducing The Lug
In the Caveman's computer coloring, he glommed onto my clever homage to a certain hulking antihero.People Bug Lug!
Nothing beats a good old-fashioned Roll Call. Astute readers of my rickety comic book "Volunteers" might notice that I re-used this story in one issue. I was merging the universes, sort of like when Charlton got bought out by DC, only without Steve Ditko.Excelsior!
Well, this gets me hankerin' to play more Marvel SAGA. The Mote returns in "Mote Revenge Squad!"Monday, November 05, 2007
Boom! Boom! Boom!
Well, nobody asked me to go on strike with y'all, but I'm no scab (unless somebody wants me to reboot BIONIC WOMAN for them), so here are some previous articles I wrote, for another website, about some wayward comic books from the dustbins of history...The Secret Tomb of Brother Voodoo, where the sad, forgotten, misfit heroes come home to rest. Let's look inside, shall we?
THE FOX
Steel Sterling #49
Mighty Comics Group, 1967
Just because The Fox has a blue costume and pointy-eared mask and drives a Fox-mobile with a pointy-eared mask on the front and has a cave called The Fox Den does NOT mean he is a Batman ripoff! This guy is MUCH more emotionally troubled than Batman. For instance, his alter ego Paul Patton, "a hip leader of the swinging set", loves Delilah, a "go-go dancer" (read between the lines here) at the Emerald Room. She loves him, but Paul blows her off. Says one jealous onlooker at the Emerald Room, "Wotta cool operator! Fabbest dish in town is ape for him! And he exits like King Lear! It can't be harmonies! Wonder what's his favorite breakfast cereal?" Say what? Anyway, The Fox takes time off from fighting "The Gasser" (don't ask) to chill at the Emerald Room himself. What gives? Says The Fox, "She loves Paul...thinks The Fox is a repulsive weirdo...if I can get her to love me as The Fox, she won't insist I drop this identity after she marries me! That is why I am MY OWN RIVAL!" Aren't we all, baby.
THE COUGAR
The Cougar #2
Atlas Comics, 1975
Stuntman Jeff Rand is not only The Cougar, but he played him in a movie. The movie, Jeff's only starring role, bombed, but apparently he couldn't live without the red jumpsuit open to the navel, the long blue gloves and boots, and the dinner plate-sized Cougar belt buckle, so for some inexplicable reason he now wears the movie costume of this fictional character ALL THE TIME. Most people would find their relatives putting them in a special home, but Jeff still finds gainful employment on several horror movies. Of course, in true Scooby-Doo fashion there generally ends up being a real murder on the set…
TIGERBOY, "The Boy Who Hates Us All"
Unearthly Spectaculars #2
Harvey Comics, 1966
Paul Canfield is a mod Jimmy Olsen-looking kid with a bad 'tude--namely, he hates the whole human race! That's cuz he's actually a Venutian, stuck on Earth in a plaid sportsjacket. But one day he realizes that "some humans are worse than others," and takes on some baddies as Tiger Boy! He actually turns into a Tiger, but strangely, keeps his own human head. In the middle of the heated battle, he also turns into Steelman, and then Rubberman when convenient (they each get their own head, however). He heads home after the battle and finds his mom and dad doffing their human guise and sporting their original Venutian appearance, apparently giant bees. They convince him to use his shape-changing for good, though TB ends with "I hate them as much as they hate each other!" With friends like this...
DRACULA
Dracula #7
Dell Comics, 1972
No, not that Dracula! This Dracula, a descendant of the original, opted to try to help the world by using a "bat serum" to cure brain damage. And, for obvious reasons, he has to try it on himself. Next thing you know he has the power to turn into a bat, but none of the nasty side effects, like drinking blood, for instance. What's a boy to do? How about put on a purple leotard with a pointy Batman-like mask and start fighting crime? A character truly from the beyond.
THE FOX
Steel Sterling #49
Mighty Comics Group, 1967
Just because The Fox has a blue costume and pointy-eared mask and drives a Fox-mobile with a pointy-eared mask on the front and has a cave called The Fox Den does NOT mean he is a Batman ripoff! This guy is MUCH more emotionally troubled than Batman. For instance, his alter ego Paul Patton, "a hip leader of the swinging set", loves Delilah, a "go-go dancer" (read between the lines here) at the Emerald Room. She loves him, but Paul blows her off. Says one jealous onlooker at the Emerald Room, "Wotta cool operator! Fabbest dish in town is ape for him! And he exits like King Lear! It can't be harmonies! Wonder what's his favorite breakfast cereal?" Say what? Anyway, The Fox takes time off from fighting "The Gasser" (don't ask) to chill at the Emerald Room himself. What gives? Says The Fox, "She loves Paul...thinks The Fox is a repulsive weirdo...if I can get her to love me as The Fox, she won't insist I drop this identity after she marries me! That is why I am MY OWN RIVAL!" Aren't we all, baby.
THE COUGAR
The Cougar #2
Atlas Comics, 1975
Stuntman Jeff Rand is not only The Cougar, but he played him in a movie. The movie, Jeff's only starring role, bombed, but apparently he couldn't live without the red jumpsuit open to the navel, the long blue gloves and boots, and the dinner plate-sized Cougar belt buckle, so for some inexplicable reason he now wears the movie costume of this fictional character ALL THE TIME. Most people would find their relatives putting them in a special home, but Jeff still finds gainful employment on several horror movies. Of course, in true Scooby-Doo fashion there generally ends up being a real murder on the set…
TIGERBOY, "The Boy Who Hates Us All"
Unearthly Spectaculars #2
Harvey Comics, 1966
Paul Canfield is a mod Jimmy Olsen-looking kid with a bad 'tude--namely, he hates the whole human race! That's cuz he's actually a Venutian, stuck on Earth in a plaid sportsjacket. But one day he realizes that "some humans are worse than others," and takes on some baddies as Tiger Boy! He actually turns into a Tiger, but strangely, keeps his own human head. In the middle of the heated battle, he also turns into Steelman, and then Rubberman when convenient (they each get their own head, however). He heads home after the battle and finds his mom and dad doffing their human guise and sporting their original Venutian appearance, apparently giant bees. They convince him to use his shape-changing for good, though TB ends with "I hate them as much as they hate each other!" With friends like this...
DRACULA
Dracula #7
Dell Comics, 1972
No, not that Dracula! This Dracula, a descendant of the original, opted to try to help the world by using a "bat serum" to cure brain damage. And, for obvious reasons, he has to try it on himself. Next thing you know he has the power to turn into a bat, but none of the nasty side effects, like drinking blood, for instance. What's a boy to do? How about put on a purple leotard with a pointy Batman-like mask and start fighting crime? A character truly from the beyond.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Two Plus Two is Three, and Other News
It's true, Daylight Savings Time kills people and destroys marriages. I was reading in the paper about how pedestrians in big cities get messed up during DST and walk out on the street during rush hour, thinking it's earlier or later. This was an actual true study; pedestrians are more likely to get killed during DST changeovers. The other evidence is more anectdotal; my wife and I argued about whether we were supposed to turn back the clocks tonight or last night and wasn't it last week last year? And when I found out I was wrong and it was last night, I got tired realizing I got up too early and wanted to go back to bed. Year Two of DST's seige on Indiana is not going well. It seems Orwellian to us that one day it's one time and another day it's some other time. Why have the rest of you not risen up and fought this?
I have been crazy busy at my day job and have decided, with the holidays fast approaching, to take the rest of the year off from freelancing. I completed seven scripts this year and that's enough for any one dude to contemplate. I'll probably celebrate by playing Guild Wars with my brother tonight after the Colts game, the first time we've played in a couple of months.
I took my Little Brother Harold and his cousin Timmy out trick-or-treating this year. Taking the two of them around reminded me a bit of me and my brother back in the day, when my dad took us around. All the dads did in my neighborhood, because Big John who had the house at the top of the hill always had cold beers out for the dads, so that's where everybody ended up after making the lazy figure-eight around our neighborhood. Big John's house would probably be burned down today, with all the people upset about scary costumes and the religious implications and so on. Back then you went as gore-spattered as you cared to (though the improvisational hobos and eyehole-sheeted ghosts were popular) and rampaged from one blazing porch light to the next. The 70s were probably the last fun time to be a kid.
Today is the day. The sainted Colts against the evil, bullying, score-piling Pats. SuperBowl Something and a Half is really being built up here. Last year I kept saying the Colts were the worst undefeated team in football, and they won the Super Bowl. This year they look better, so I don't know what will happen. The Pats sure seem to be getting more attention, outside of our TV market. Today is my dad's birthday and we will be planted right in front of the TV eating cake at 4 p.m. No better place to be.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
I have been crazy busy at my day job and have decided, with the holidays fast approaching, to take the rest of the year off from freelancing. I completed seven scripts this year and that's enough for any one dude to contemplate. I'll probably celebrate by playing Guild Wars with my brother tonight after the Colts game, the first time we've played in a couple of months.
I took my Little Brother Harold and his cousin Timmy out trick-or-treating this year. Taking the two of them around reminded me a bit of me and my brother back in the day, when my dad took us around. All the dads did in my neighborhood, because Big John who had the house at the top of the hill always had cold beers out for the dads, so that's where everybody ended up after making the lazy figure-eight around our neighborhood. Big John's house would probably be burned down today, with all the people upset about scary costumes and the religious implications and so on. Back then you went as gore-spattered as you cared to (though the improvisational hobos and eyehole-sheeted ghosts were popular) and rampaged from one blazing porch light to the next. The 70s were probably the last fun time to be a kid.
Today is the day. The sainted Colts against the evil, bullying, score-piling Pats. SuperBowl Something and a Half is really being built up here. Last year I kept saying the Colts were the worst undefeated team in football, and they won the Super Bowl. This year they look better, so I don't know what will happen. The Pats sure seem to be getting more attention, outside of our TV market. Today is my dad's birthday and we will be planted right in front of the TV eating cake at 4 p.m. No better place to be.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
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