The End of MySpace

A couple of people have asked if my disappearance from MySpace is because of my new outlook on life post-turning 40. I have to say it was percolating before that. At one time it seemed to be a good networking place for my far-flung b-movie people, before the teenagers glommed on to it; now, I'm not so sure.

My wariness started when my daughter's high school friends found me on there. As has previously been documented in this humble blog, my rumored status as a porn king has been circulating around the high school for a while--and having a MySpace page with friends called Assmonkey and Frenchkitty and SexMachine had my protests falling on deaf ears.

Thus came the swell of Friends requests from my daughter's potential suitors. I had to reject them all, because there has to be a wall built between my daughter and the sordid world of bigfoot monsters, pirahna, and metrosexual frankensteins. I think working on a movie called Sex Machine tipped me over the edge. I was at one of my daughter's sports events and some of her guy friends were yelling out, "Hey, Sex Machine!" My heart almost stopped. I cannot have high school boys yelling out "Sex Machine!" to me in a crowded place.

Thus came down the MySpace page.

A better story circulating now, based on cold fact, is that I told several parents that if a boy wanted to take my daughter out they would have to first come and beat me in the board game Axis and Allies, much as the target-shooting contest in The Odyssey sorted out the suitors during those days of old. No takers yet, but I told my daughter to watch who is practicing in the lunchroom.

Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.