Monday, October 24, 2005

The Porn Czar of Randolph County

Yesterday was my 18th wedding anniversary, and though my wife and I were fighting colds we kept up with our longstanding tradition of going to inappropriate movies, as we did on our honeymoon in 1987 when we decided to check out a new flick we knew nothing about called Fatal Attraction. We went to see Flightplan and felt a bit morose, then went out for Italian that our stomachs kept trying to reject. It was cold and rainy, as it often is this time of year, which we should have thought about when we loped to the altar only a few months after meeting on a blind date all those years ago, when being a June bride seemed too long to wait. But we sat down and figured we couldn't add up a year's worth of bad days out of the last 18 years, so we are doing well.

Faithful readers may recall when the rumor that I was a porn director swept through my daughter's high school. Her own embarrassment hid it from me, though I noted an uptick in friendliness from the other dads at the basketball games. I came downstairs Saturday night and overheard a livingroomful of my daughter's friends talking about it again, long after I thought it had died. I tried to dissuade them, but I was met with doubtful gazes when I told them the next project was called Sex Machine (and this probably wouldn't have helped--maybe NSFW). I told them that if I was that heavily into porn, I'd probably have a nicer house. Then I started talking about the new Polonia Brothers movie, and the color kept draining from their faces. Eventually it came out that they thought my next movie was not called Black Mass, but Black Ass. Based on this, I'll probably get my own skybox at the high school gym.

They were gathered to plan another toilet paper counterstrike after we were hit again Friday night. It was another weak-ass TP job, but I have learned from bitter experience not to complain too much or be treated to ten times the attack the next weekend. My own daughter looked upon it with a jaundiced eye and wondered how strong her suitor's feelings could possibly have been. I have been trying to break the cycle of violence, but like a little three-ply Iraq, it keeps on and on.

Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

2 comments:

Tim said...

That reminds me I forgot to send you that Nun flick ;)

John Oak Dalton said...

...that I did not write, was not shot at my house, nor post-produced by my hand.

John