Anyway, here is I KILLED BILL SHAKESPEARE, available under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
FADE IN:
EXT. WOODS -- NIGHT
We see PUCK, a man in a hockey mask, creeping through the trees. He stops, and looks around.
PUCK
O what fools these mortals be!
Puck lifts up a chainsaw, and revs it to life.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL EDIT BAY -- DAY
We see CURTIS and LEX, two high school students, watching the scene spool out on their editing screen. Curtis taps the keyboard for a moment, SIGHS, and leans back.
CURTIS
It's done.
He and Lex tap knuckles.
LEX
"A Midsummer Night's Chainsaw Massacre" is in the can, bay-beeee!!
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY -- DAY
Curtis and Lex are standing in the hallway with a spool of DVDs, trying to sell them to disinterested passers-by.
LEX
Local movie for sale! Only ten bucks! Support independent filmmakers.
TRACY, MICHELLE, and Michelle's boyfriend ERIK walk up. Erik, looming over the others in his letterman's jacket, takes his arm from around Michelle's shoulders and sticks his hand out.
ERIK
Let me peep one of those, yo.
Lex hands him one.
LEX
It's called "A Midsummer Night's Chainsaw Massacre," dude.
Erik flings it down the hallway. Tracy LAUGHS while everyone else looks surprised.
ERIK
Flies pretty good.
LEX
Aw, dude--
Erik holds his hands wide.
ERIK
What?
They stroll off, but Michelle hangs back. Lex CALLS after him.
LEX
Whatever, dude!
MICHELLE
(to Curtis)
Sorry.
Curtis shrugs.
CURTIS
Don't matter.
MICHELLE
Well, it sounds interesting.
Curtis spins a DVD on his finger and hands it to her.
CURTIS
Here ya go. On the house.
Michelle takes it carefully, and slips it into her backpack.
The bell RINGS.
MICHELLE
Well, gotta go.
CURTIS
See ya.
They part, with Lex and Curtis walking one way and Michelle the other.
When they are out of earshot, Lex punches Curtis.
LEX
What'd you do that for, dude? That's eating into our profits!
CURTIS
She's just somebody I knew back in the day.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM -- DAY
Michelle hurries in to sit next to Tracy and Erik.
TRACY
Ohmigod, what were you talking to them about?
MICHELLE
Their movie.
TRACY
Like, you do not want to be seen with them, Michelle!
MICHELLE
Well, we used to be neighbors when we were kids.
ERIK
Ummm, like I didn't know you used to live in a trailer park!
Michelle turns away, her face clouded.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY -- CONTINUOUS
Curtis and Lex are supposed to be doing research but are stretched out at a table not doing much.
LEX
When was that, dude?
CURTIS
We moved into the same apartment building when we were both five or six, we probably both lived there until we were about ten or twelve, maybe. Then her mom got remarried to a pretty cool dude, a doctor or something. My moms went on and had about twenty-five more boyfriends, you know how that game is played.
LEX
I feel you.
CURTIS
We lived all over the place until we moved back into town I guess what, a couple months ago?
(beat, thinks)
I doubt she remembers all that anyway.
LEX
Hey, it's all good, dude, when we start getting the money together to build our own skatepark, we're gonna bust out big time.
Curtis thinks.
CURTIS
We used to put on plays. Our own plays, you know. Get all the kids in the building to act in them, put them on in the laundry room.
Lex looks at him.
LEX
Plays, huh?
CURTIS
Yeah.
LEX
Yeah, you want to keep that one on the low, okay dude?
TEACHER (O.S.)
SSHHHHHH!!!!!
Curtis and Lex get to work.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY -- LATER
Tracy and Michelle are walking along, books in hand.
TRACY
Plays? Ohmigod!
MICHELLE
I doubt he even remembers doing them.
TRACY
Ohmigod, it's like he's a skater boy, and you're like probably going to be prom queen if I don't get it.
Tracy stops in her tracks.
TRACY (CONT'D)
This is almost like "Romeo and Juliet"--
(beat)
Only more boring.
MICHELLE
Whatever!
Tracy starts walking again.
TRACY
Seriously, like you are dating the most popular dude in the school, why are you even talking about this?
Michelle just walks on.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SCHOOL -- AFTERNOON
Curtis is sitting on the stone steps, watching Lex fool with his skateboard.
LEX
I'm going to grind some sick Tony Hawk moves up in this thang, dude!
CURTIS
Dude, if you break your arm again I am not taking you to the hospital unless you pay for gas.
LEX
Aw man, why you got to hate?
Curtis opens his backpack and gets out a paper and pen.
LEX (CONT'D)
That looks like homework, yo. That's a real buzzkill, dude.
Curtis puts the pen and paper away and walks out.
CURTIS
Catch you later.
Lex watches him go.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MICHELLE'S BEDROOM -- AFTERNOON
Michelle is sitting on her bed reading a textbook and doing homework.
The phone RINGS.
MICHELLE
(calls out)
MOM, I GOT IT!
(into phone)
Hello?
ERIK
(over phone)
Hey, what's up?
MICHELLE
Just doing homework.
CUT TO:
INT. ERIK'S BEDROOM -- AFTERNOON
Erik is slouched in his room playing video games.
ERIK
Well hurry up, I still need you to do some of mine.
MICHELLE
(over phone)
Whatever!
ERIK
Naw, I'm serious, listen, I got this great idea, I want you to hear it.
MICHELLE
(over phone)
Okaaaay....
ERIK
D.F.L.
CUT TO:
INT. MICHELLE'S BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Michelle sits and thinks, waiting.
MICHELLE
DFL?
CUT TO:
INT. ERIK'S BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Erik keeps playing his game.
ERIK
Yeah, DFL, Dirtbike Football League. You know, like Arena Football, only with dirtbikes. It's like the best of two worlds.
MICHELLE
(over phone, dryly)
Uh-huh.
ERIK
I know I could throw a tight spiral on a dirtbike. I'd be like the Peyton Manning of the DFL.
MICHELLE
(over phone)
Uh-huh.
ERIK
Yeah, it would take over the NFL in like, five years or something. And I'm on the ground floor with this idea, yo.
CUT TO:
INT. MICHELLE'S BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Michelle is just holding the phone.
ERIK
(over phone)
So when are you gonna be over to do that homework?
(beat)
Hello?
Michelle hangs up. After a moment, she roots through her backpack, and comes out with Curtis' DVD.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SCHOOL -- LATER
We see Michelle coming down the sidewalk. Lex is still fooling with his skateboard. He stops when he sees Michelle.
LEX
'Sup?
MICHELLE
Is Curtis around? I heard you guys hung out here sometimes after school.
LEX
Nah, he went home.
Michelle hesitates.
MICHELLE
I liked your guys' movie.
LEX
Aw thanks. Curtis did all the writing and shooting and editing and all that, and I...I did the chainsaw.
MICHELLE
I liked the Shakespeare riff and all that.
LEX
(surprised)
Shakespeare? You mean the dude that wrote all the plays? Curtis ripped him off?
MICHELLE
More like an homage.
LEX
Aw dude, if I had known Shakespeare wrote about serial killers and chainsaws and all that noise I wouldn't have skipped English class all the time!
MICHELLE
(laughs)
Well, you ought to try it sometime.
Michelle turns to leave.
LEX
Yo, you're not trying to play my boy, are you?
Michelle turns back.
MICHELLE
Why would you say that?
LEX
I'm just trying to have his back. I think he still has a thing for you. You know, from back when you were kids, putting on the plays and all that. I don't want to see him get hurt, is all.
MICHELLE
(softly)
I didn't know he remembered all that.
Lex looks at her closely, then makes a decision.
LEX
Look, you want to know where he lives?
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CURTIS' BEDROOM -- NIGHT
Curtis is stretched out, writing.
A soft KNOCK comes at the door, and Michelle opens it.
Curtis sits up straight.
CURTIS
Michelle?
MICHELLE
Hey.
Michelle holds out a thick, dog-eared paperback.
MICHELLE (CONT'D)
I borrowed this a few years ago. Thought you might want it back.
Curtis takes it from her, looks at it, gives it back.
CURTIS
"Complete Works of William Shakespeare?" Got me another copy.
(beat)
It wasn't really a loaner. I wanted you to keep that.
She thinks.
MICHELLE
Maybe I could give you some Ibsen. I've been into "A Doll's House."
CURTIS
I'm still kicking it old school. Euripedies, Sophocles, Aeschylus. Just read "The Oresteia."
MICHELLE
Cool.
She looks at him.
MICHELLE (CONT'D)
I liked your movie.
CURTIS
(shrugs)
I sold out the Bard. I guess that's Hollywood.
MICHELLE
Is that the sequel?
He holds up the notebook.
CURTIS
Naw, I'm going back to the stage with this one. Trying to keep it real.
She nods.
There is a long silence.
MICHELLE
Need any help?
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SCHOOL -- DAY
Michelle and Curtis are sitting on the steps, talking and laughing and looking over their notebooks.
Erik joins them, his arm around Tracy.
TRACY
Look, it's "Romeo and Juliet!"
ERIK
All I know is somebody needs to spray some Febreeze up in here!
Curtis ignores them.
ERIK (CONT'D)
Yo, Curtis! I was going to punk you out in front of the school, but now that I got my own thang going it ain't worth it.
TRACY
(smirks)
Hi, Michelle.
CURTIS
Whatever, dude!
Erik suddenly looks angry.
ERIK
What, you think you gonna front me like that?
Suddenly Lex appears.
LEX
'Sup, Erik?
Erik looks back and forth.
ERIK
So it's two against one, huh, that's how you want to play?
Lex just opens his hands.
ERIK (CONT'D)
Whatever, I'm out.
Erik struts away, and Lex watches him leave. He then looks at Curtis and Michelle.
LEX
So you guys are on the "Romeo and Juliet" tip for a minute, huh?
CURTIS
Not so much, dude. They were doomed.
LEX
Whoa, sucks to be them!
CURTIS
And we're just getting started.
Curtis and Michelle exchange smiles. Lex nods and strolls away, as the camera PANS UP into the clear blue sky.
FADE TO BLACK.
CREDITS.
This
work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
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