My dismissive commentary on the girlie toilet-papering we received a week ago was answered this weekend with a "shock and awe" toilet-paper campaign delivered by four strong-armed youths competing for my daughter's affections. Thankfully my wife snapped open the shade before they were through, sending them scurrying off into the night like roaches when you flip on the light, leaving fifteen unthrown rolls behind in addition to the fifteen or twenty that, with ladder and rake, I spent 90 minutes getting out of my trees. My daughter gathered up the fifteen rolls and stored them in her car's trunk. "For revenge," she stated, eyes gleaming. And thus the courtship ritual continues.
The other night we had a large thunderstorm, which was preceded by a sonic boom-sized clap of thunder that brought me out of a dead sleep and into the arms of my wife. For one crazy instant I thought it was an explosion, like the reoccuring dream of my youth which featured a nuclear detonation that peeled the skin from my body (this was during the Reagan Years, natch). I have had trouble shaking the feeling since. Perhaps it is all this news of global warming, cities being evacuated, wars across the globe, gas prices soaring, on and on. There's sort of an apocalyptic feel in the air. I imagine the local mom and pop grocery will be stocking Soylent Green before long.
Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.
1 comment:
Toilet paper as courting tool? Who knew?
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