Closer To Fine

Two weeks ago today I slit the ball of my thumb slicing a bagel and bled like a shemp on a Sam Raimi movie. And things have been downhill ever since. The cut hasn't quite healed yet, and when it does I hope my luck goes back the other way.

That being said, my old cable access pal Doug Wilkinson brought me a huge stack of comics this weekend, a paper bag full, always good to lift one's spirits. Nice surprise: Marvel's "What If"-flavored EXILES. Still not that great: Image's WILDGUARD.

Snagged THE OFFICE from Netflix.com, and it's one of the funniest, most painful British comedies I've seen.

I've been trying to stay home sick for a couple of days but forces keep massing against me. Speaking of which, here's a bit more from my b-fantasy opus RING OF THE SORCERESS, and a savage battle with gratuity and a stop-motion monster:

CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS -- LATER
Boris is addressing a group of huddled VILLAGERS. He turns a gold coin in his fingers.
BORIS
So none of you know the trail through yon wood? The queen's gold for any man among you who can lead us through the wood...
The villagers remain silent.
BORIS (CONT'D)
Would there be any fighting, it would be done by the Silent Guard...you would only be asked to show the trail, as this wood is dark and our time grows short.
(beat)
So you would fear insubstantial ghosts over possessing this real gold? This coin alone is more than you have seen in your lifetimes, and there's a bag more besides.
Boris looks the wide-eyed group over.
BORIS (CONT'D)
Is there none here loyal to the queen? I should put the lot of you to the sword.
Boris looks again, his eyes narrowed.
BORIS (CONT'D)
Wasn't there a woman among you?
One humble VILLAGER steps forward.
VILLAGER 3
Please, sir knight...some of your--um--men took her off beyond those trees.
(beat)
She is my sister, sir knight.
BORIS
What's this?
Boris looks over his shoulder, his face a mixture of rage and disgust. Then he makes for the trees.
CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS (CLEARING) -- MOMENTS LATER
Boris comes up on three of his "guards" savaging a young female VILLAGER.
Suddenly, Boris' sword begins to come from its sheath. A fourth GUARD bares his teeth at Boris and stands in his way. Boris sheathes his blade and slams the monster aside.
BORIS
WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!
The creatures grudgingly get up from their conquest as Boris stands at the ready, his hand on his hilt.
BORIS (CONT'D)
We are the Silent Guard. We do the queen's own justice.
(beat)
This is not justice.
Boris steps forward and holds his hand out to the young woman, who is grasping at her torn clothes and crying. He lifts her to her feet. The creatures begin to close in on Boris menacingly, but he pays them no heed.
Suddenly there is a RUMBLING, and the ground shakes. The female villager runs off SCREAMING. The guardsmen are looking around as the trees bend and quiver.
A ROAR from above draws their attention, and their expressions dissolve into fear. Swords sing from scabbards.
A giant lizard is peering over the trees, long teeth flashing, red eyes fixing on the group of swordsmen. Suddenly it strikes, as quick as a snake.
A GUTTURAL SCREAM from one of the monster swordsmen bursts from its lungs as he gets drawn up into the gaping maw, struggling all the way.
The others stand on in stunned silence for a moment. Then Boris holds his sword out, and it flashes in the sun.
BORIS (CONT'D)
FOR THE QUEEN!
Boris charges forward and hacks at the giant lizard. The swordsman is showered with blood.
CUT TO:

Give me a yell at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.