Why I should start wearing a foil-lined helmet: I just read WILDGUARD, a comic about a group of superheroes in a reality-styled television program. Not unlike CAPES, my superhero "reality series" I was going to do with artist Tom Cherry a while back. Not only is the CAPES title about to be used also, but my version featured "Retro Girl," a character name now used in Brian Michael Bendis' POWERS. You know what they say: first out of the gate's a winner.

Here's more AMONG US, hopefully coming out before somebody else's Bigfoot movie:

CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS -- DAY
ERIK, in a backwards baseball cap and t-shirt, addresses the camera.
ERIK
I mean, yeah, we had smoked a bowl. And split a twelve-pack or so. But that don't mean that shit wasn't real.
Erik points back into the trees.
ERIK (CONT'D)
We first heard it back in there. Howling and shit. First I thought it was a bear, and we were like, cool, how often do you get to see a bear? I mean, bears around here have got to be pretty chilled out, being around humans and eating trash and shit, right? I mean, this ain't Alaska. So we thought we'd get up after that mother. I did say we were stoned, right?
CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS -- CONTINUOUS
Feature shaky camcorder-style footage as Erik races through the woods, other DUDES alongside, shouting back and forth.
The camera, with its white-hot little round light, plays over the trees. Erik's homie TODD is seen briefly, and is gone.
TODD (O.S.)
Yo dude! Over here!
The camera whips around.
ERIK (V.O.)
Hold up, G, I'm too wasted to be running no marathon, yo!
Suddenly Erik lets out a YELL and goes down in a heap, dirt and grass filling the lens. Erik bursts out LAUGHING.
TODD (O.S.)
Watch out, dude!
The camera snaps up, and suddenly ERIK YELLS as a flash of fur flashes past the scream.
ERIK
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!
Suddenly Erik is up and running, the camera bouncing and racing along as he BABBLES.
ERIK (CONT'D)
Dude, don't leave me here! What the--Jesus Christ! What the fuck! Dude!
The camera crashes to SNOW.
CUT TO:
INT. PRODUCTION HOUSE (EDIT BAY) -- DAY
Billy sits at an edit bay, working intently, as Wayne looks on with narrowed eyes and crossed arms. Billy is using the edit controller to spin back Erik's footage to the point where the flash of fur is caught on tape. He slows it down until it inches by frame by frame.
BILLY
What do you think?
WAYNE
Did you plot these reports on the maps?
BILLY
Maps? Do I look like PBS to you?
WAYNE
I'm curious to know how these triangulate with the cabin.
BILLY
For right now, just tell me what you think.
WAYNE
Your interviewees seemed reluctant to tell their stories, for the most part. That's a good sign. They haven't been seeking media attention. The Wellsboro videotaped sighting is the one for concern. But note that the other parties didn't want to come forward. And the ratio of skill and planning needed to pull off that hoax is in direct inverse to the amount of brainpower exhibited by your subject.
BILLY
So it's not an ape suit, huh?
WAYNE
What do you think?
Billy leans forward. Before he can say anything, the phone RINGS. He picks it up.
BILLY
Yeah?
(beat)
She is?
CUT TO:
INT. PRODUCTION HOUSE (HALLWAY) -- LATER
Jennifer strides purposefully down the hallway, looking for Billy. He pokes his head out of the edit suite. She stops short.
BILLY
Hi.
JENNIFER
Hey.
BILLY
If I thought you were going to throw another book at me, I wouldn't have told them to let you back here. But they make TV here--books are the enemy, so we don't allow any to be left lying around.
Jennifer is stone-faced at Billy's humor.
BILLY (CONT'D)
You want coffee, or...?
JENNIFER
Look, about yesterday.
Billy leans against the doorframe, expectantly.
JENNIFER (CONT'D)
I guess I didn't know what to think. Ten years ago, when I told you my story, I thought...I thought things would turn out differently, that's all.
(beat)
About a lot of things.
Billy looks uncomfortable.
BILLY
I told you then, Jennifer, things that happen on the set...stay on the set.
JENNIFER
But I didn't know that! I don't know anything about movies or movie sets! Couldn't you see that? I didn't know!
Billy thinks.
JENNIFER (CONT'D)
It would be like if I told you I was raped...then you took the story and turned it into one of your pornos!
BILLY
What am I now, the porn king? You know, I've directed over thirty features, some even under my own name. Probably seventy-five percent of those have been rated "R" or under.
JENNIFER
Okay, so maybe that is a little extreme, but do you see where I'm coming from?
BILLY
Yes, I do...now. That's why I came to your little shop. I want to give you the chance to tell the story again. The right way.
JENNIFER
What do you mean, the right way?
BILLY
I'm making a documentary. About all this shit that's going on. And maybe this time...maybe this time I'll get it right.
Jennifer looks at Billy for a long time.

Yell at me at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.