Mister Cellophane

So I was driving around with a bunch of my brother and some old buddies, and we stopped at this pizza place where we used to get huge cokes to drink, and we were sitting next door at the gas station across the street from the college football stadium, and happened to see a fleet of muscle cars drive by, probably going to a car show, all funny shapes and painted flames and the like, and the sun beat down, a beautiful day.

Then I woke up, realized it was a dream, as the pizza place isn't there any more, and outside it is below zero with black ice gleaming from every road, and if I hadn't been drinking so much coke back then I probably wouldn't have prostate problems today.

It's the next to the last day of January, and the sky is close overhead, a cold iron bowl.

Here's this week's FridayFive, from the Blog phenomenon fridayfive.org.

You have just won one million dollars:

1. Who do you call first? My wife.

2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself? A Saturn Vue.

3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else? An Alaskan cruise for my wife.

4. Do you give any away? If yes, to whom? I'll give some to Big Brothers/Big Sisters, then start a scholarship at the local high school for my deceased sister-in-law; a creative writing scholarship for a student in the arts.

5. Do you invest any? If so, how? Does making a movie count as investing money or throwing it away? Otherwise, an IRA.


Give me a yell at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Werewolves of London

Yesterday I had a good day; I was invited to speak about grassroots DV at a conference in Orlando in March, and about my fledgling writing career at a luncheon the very next week here in my hometown. They want to call it "Almost Hollywood" but I think "Almost Almost Hollywood" might be better.

I also was "outed" more or less in the company newsletter about my scriptwriting career, with Bigfoot pictures and all. I've been trying to fly under the radar a bit at work, but I guess the lid's off the pot now, so I might as well try to enjoy it a bit. As I mentioned in an earlier post, it is a bit awkward at times to have a day life and a night life. I owe it all to Bigfoot, I guess. Speaking of, AMONG US co-director and co-star John Polonia had this to say in an email:

WOW!!! We have never had such a positive effect on any one associated with us... Take it and run!!! The luck is bound to run out if we're involved in any form.

That's what I hate about these Hollywood guys: big egos.

Speaking of letters, astute blog reader Tom Cherry offered the following:

Finished reading Rottentail. So Peter and Frosty the Snowman had the same
weakness: misplaced headgear.

Damn, that pretty much sums it up, yeah.

Well, one day you're up, the next day you're down. Hopefully the high will last a bit longer. We'll see.

Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

You Make Me Feel Brand New

So I was reading an interview with John Malkovich in a magazine and there's a nice warm gauzy photo of him, and something in the background catches my eye. There's a copy of Samuel Beckett's WATT on his bookshelf, the same edition I have. I wondered if he stuck it up there and never read it, like I did. We're all connected in the circle of life.

Someone recently recommended that I read the graphic novel BOX OFFICE POISON. Thankfully they didn't use it as a reference to my career (that I caught on to, anyway). Even more thankfully I found it at the local library, which is surprisingly starting to stock a bunch of graphic novels. I guess not that surprisingly--a person called me from the library and asked for suggestions some time back. As I've mentioned before, I used to have a cable access show where I talked about comic book collecting. It was so lo-fi it was literally two guys, two chairs, one camera--but ever since it aired people have looked to me as some sort of comic-book expert. That tells you the power of the media; if you can get on TV and blab, you must know something.

Anyway, BOX OFFICE POISON is pretty good; sort of like Peter Bagge's HATE with a little more whimsy, and if you know what I'm talking about you should go read it. Lots of young singles in the early 90s and all of their complicated lives; definitely captures a time and place.

Hey, guess what? Here's the end of PETER ROTTENTAIL:

CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
James comes off of the porch and looks around.
JAMES
Show yourself!
The garage door starts rattling up. Peter stands framed in the opening, Lenny's blade in his hand.
JAMES (CONT'D)
Where's my cousin Lenny?
PETER
Dead. Like everybody else from your little birthday party from hell!
JAMES
NO!!!!
James rushed Peter. Peter swings his killing steel, but misses. The blade THUNKS into the ground and sticks.
James takes this opportunity, with Peter half-crouched, to knee him in the jaw. Peter reels back and lets loose of the blade.
Peter recovers quickly. He balls up his fists and shows his yellow teeth.
PETER
Okay, Jimmy! Let's thump!
James takes a fighting stance.
James and Peter begin slugging away at each other with hard body blows and shots to the face that send both reeling. The slugfest drags them all over the yard.
James steps inside one of the punches and snatches the hat off of Peter's head.
Peter looks shocked as James takes a few deft steps backward, twirling the hat by the brim. A smile plays on James' lips.
Peter stands dumfounded, arms wide.
James takes the opportunity to zero in a kick to Peter's crotch.
Peter buckles over in pain.
PETER (CONT'D)
My turnips!
Peter convulses, staggering in a little circle.
PETER (CONT'D)
Give me my hat, you little bastard!
JAMES
I remember now! I know the source of your evil power!
PETER
I said GIVE ME THE FUCKING HAT!
Peter drops to his knees.
JAMES
Don't you understand? You can go back to being Peter Krigstein now! The spell over you is broken!
Peter SPUTTERS.
PETER
Why would I want to do that? Peter Krigstein was something stuck to the bottom of the world's shoe! Peter Rottentail says "fuck you" to the world and squeezes its balls!
James shakes his head.
JAMES
You can be free, Peter.
PETER
Free to do what? Have little snot-nosed kids like you laugh at me? I'm gonna kill everyone who ever laughed at me!
JAMES
Well, that'd be a shitload of people.
Peter ROARS and tries to dig his blade out of the ground, but he is weakening.
PETER
You're...gonna be...sorry...
James carefully dusts off the hat.
JAMES
I'm going to help you do one last trick, Peter.
PETER
What's that, Jimmy?
James lets the top hat fall to the ground.
JAMES
A disappearing act.
James lifts his foot over the top hat.
Peter SCREAMS in anguish and defeat.
James brings his foot down with one powerful stroke, flattening Peter's cursed hat.
There is a dazzling FLASH, and an echoing EXPLOSION, as the screen dissolves to COLD WHITE.
JAMES (V.O.) (CONT'D)
What is the significance of the underworld? It is a journey.
SLOW DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY
James is pacing, lecturing to his students.
JAMES
Everybody makes the trip. Odysseus. Aeneas. Jesus. And so many others, right down the line. But why?
(beat)
To test their limits. To find their strengths. Remember the story of Orpheus and Euridyce. Always to move forward...never looking back. To be submerged...in darkness...and to re-emerge...in the light.
James looks at his class, thinking.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. HOSPITAL DELIVERY ROOM -- NIGHT
CG: NINE MONTHS LATER
We see a very pregnant Abby sweating and GROANING over her delivery, while a concerned DOCTOR looms overhead.
DOCTOR
Push! That's it!
Abby GRUNTS and strains.
DOCTOR (CONT'D)
Here he comes! I see...I see...Holy Shit!
A RASPY CRY goes up.
ABBY
Oh, I hope he's not too ugly! His father was no prize!
DOCTOR
Uh--it'll be okay, miss!
The doctor swoops a swaddling cloth around the infant as a real SQUEAL goes up. The doctor looks down and swallows hard.
From his POV, we see Peter Rottentail's face peering up from the blanket.
PETER
How's that for an entrance, asshole?
Peter LUNGES towards the camera.
SMASH CUT TO BLACK.
CREDITS.

Betcha By Golly, Wow

So I've been writing back and forth a bit with another Ball State alum who is working in independent film. He mentioned that he was glad to hear that I was in "the biz." Am I? I wrote back that I didn't know if I would call my nocturnal work "the biz," although sometimes it seems I see a glimpse of it, a crack of light under the door.

Here's more from PETER ROTTENTAIL:

CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
Lenny approaches the garage and peers inside.
From Lenny's POV, we see the odd shadows of the clutter in the garage.
Lenny fingers his knife and moves inside.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (GARAGE) -- CONTINUOUS
Lenny creeps along.
LENNY
(singsong)
Here comes Peter Rottentail...hopping down the ass-whip trail...hippity, hoppity, a beating's on its way...
Suddenly Peter rises up from the junk and stands before Lenny, a carrot jutting from each hand.
Lenny comes up short.
LENNY (CONT'D)
One knife against two carrots? I'll take those odds.
PETER
You just rolled snake eyes, kid.
Peter flicks his wrists, sending the carrots sailing.
In the next moment, both are jutting out of Lenny's eye sockets.
He SCREAMS and goes down to his knees.
In a moment he is dead.
Peter bounces out of frame.
CUT TO:

Give me a yell at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

If We Make It Through December

The first real blast of winter weather hit Indiana this weekend, so we have been burrowing in. Watched a few movies, read a great graphic novel (SHUTTERBUG FOLLIES by Jason Little), puttered on some writing. Need to start girding my loins and working harder.

Here's more from PETER ROTTENTAIL:

SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- DAY
The past. From the young boy's POV, the mocking LAUGHTER of Tejeda's unearthly presence drives Peter to his knees.
Peter rolls on the driveway, trying to keep the hellish sounds out of his skull.
Peter tries to crawl away.
PETER
GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
Peter tries to cover his ears again.
The little boy watches the man's agony, terrified.
Suddenly, he sees a tall, gleaming top hat sitting on the driveway in front of Peter.
Peter grabs the top hat and pulls it down over his head.
PETER (CONT'D)
MAKE IT STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Peter rolls on the ground, flailing.
Peter looks down and finds a knife in his hand. He stares at it.
PETER (CONT'D)
Where did...
The little boy watches him in terror.
Peter stares at him with wild eyes.
PETER (CONT'D)
Yes...to make it stop...kill...kill them all...
The boy runs back into the house.
Peter chases him, frothing at the mouth.
PETER (CONT'D)
Come back, little boy! People like you...get killed by people like me!
The boy SLAMS the door in Peter's face.
Peter stabs the doorframe in a rage. The knife vibrates there.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
The wide-eyed boy stares through the glass of the back door. Peter's crazed eyes look back.
Peter lets out an ear-shattering SCREAM and pounds on the door.
The boy begins to slowly close in on himself, cowering at the noise.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM) -- LATER
James rubs his head, and his face shows sudden clarity.
JAMES
My god...I remember...I remember...
James reaches down and blows the candle out.
CUT TO:

Give me a yell at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Standing in the Shadows of Love

Here's the latest from FridayFive, a website (see sidebar at the left) that is popular in the Blogisphere. I've kept doing it because some readers of my humble blog have been writing me and telling me their answers, and glimpses into the psyche of said readers is always interesting.

At this moment, what is your favorite...

1. ...song? "Bernadette" by The Four Tops

2. ...food? Pork BBQ

3. ...tv show? "The Apprentice."

4. ...scent? Nomad, my aftershave. It goes with my rugged, individualistic, manly, nomadic personality.

5. ...quote? "I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,/ And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,/ And in short, I was afraid." --T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.


Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Runaround

I was reading Newsweek yesterday and surprised to discover it's been five years since THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, still held up as the primer (as well as the rallying cry) for the independent filmmaker. The aftermath of that success, and where they all disappeared to, is pretty interesting reading. And also a primer for the independent filmmaker.

Here's a bit from PETER ROTTENTAIL:

CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (KITCHEN) -- LATER
James paces the room while Lenny pounds shots.
JAMES
We need to call the police.
LENNY
Get real, cuz! What are we going to say, some dead magician with a rabbit's head is killing people? They'll never believe us.
James stops, thinking.
JAMES
I guess we're on our own.
LENNY
It could be a nutcase. Or somebody playing a half-assed joke.
JAMES
I thought you believed this!
Lenny bolts down another shot.
LENNY
I don't know what the hell to believe, James.
The phone RINGS, startling them both.
JAMES
It's got to be him!
LENNY
Half the old ladies in town know this number, and my old man. I'll get it.
Lenny picks up the phone.
LENNY (CONT'D)
Hello.
PETER (V.O.)
Listen to your cousin, butt-head. He's smarter than he looks.
LENNY
Who's calling?!
PETER (V.O.)
Ask the birthday boy. He knows.
Lenny leans into the phone and shouts down the line.
LENNY
Peter Krigstein is dead!
PETER (V.O.)
But Peter Rottentail is alive.
Harsh reality begins to seep into Lenny's mind as blood drains from his face.
LENNY
How...
PETER (V.O.)
Put your kissin' cousin on the line.
LENNY
How 'bout kiss my ass?
Lenny SLAMS down the phone. The phone RINGS again, suddenly.
This time James pushes past Lenny and grabs up the phone.
JAMES
What the hell do you want from me?
PETER (V.O.)
I want to hear you scream for mercy. But you won't get any. I want to watch you beg for a quick death. But it'll be slow. I want to kill you, Jimmy.
JAMES
Why? Why?!?!
Silence.
PETER (V.O.)
Why not?
The line goes dead. James looks at the handset.
A moment later, the whole house is plunged into darkness.
LENNY
Oh shit!
James looks around.
A faint, flickering light comes from the next room.
The cousins look at each other, then look out into the living room.
From their POV, we see a little birthday cake with a big red candle on top, the only light sputtering in the pitch-black room.
LENNY (CONT'D)
Fuck this!
Lenny backs up and starts rooting through the cardboard boxes stacked up around the room.
He comes up with a big knife.
JAMES
What the hell are you doing?
LENNY
I'm not going to let this motherfucker, whoever he is, scare the shit out of me. I'm going out there and take a look around. Why don't you go find the fusebox?
JAMES
Let's not split up, Lenny.
Lenny stands at the back door for a last moment.
LENNY
"Let's not split up?" What is this, freaking Elm Street now? Don't be a wuss! I'll be back in a minute!
Lenny slips out.
CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
Lenny works his light around the back yard, finally settling on the downed wires in the yard.
LENNY
Great.
He sees movement, over by the garage. The door SLAMS shut.
LENNY (CONT'D)
Peter Rottentail, huh? Yeah, right!
He stalks towards the garage.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (KITCHEN) -- MOMENTS LATER
James finds the fusebox and starts flipping the breakers inside. Nothing.
He looks concerned. He moves back towards the living room.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM) -- MOMENTS LATER
James stares at the little cake and candle. He starts rubbing his temples. Suddenly, he grabs his skull in both hands, as if his head threatens to split apart.
SMASH CUT TO:


Give me a yell at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com

Me and Mrs. Jones

My computer apparently crashed today, my wife reported in a phone call from home this morning. So there's that to look foward to. Thus I'll make this brief, and post some more from PETER ROTTENTAIL:

CUT TO:
EXT. STREETS -- LATER
Lenny ROARS down the main street of town.
CUT TO:
EXT. GRAVEYARD -- NIGHT
Lenny slowly drives into the graveyard, ominous in the gloomy night.
Lenny pulls up and parks. The cousins climb out, swinging flashlights.
LENNY
Dead man's hotel.
JAMES
Peter Krigstein's grave is over here.
James starts walking, playing his light around.
LENNY
How do you know?
JAMES
I've visited his grave before.
LENNY
When?
JAMES
Just every year.
LENNY
You need a woman, cuz.
The pair work their way between the headstones.
They stop short at Peter's grave, where dirt is piled up.
JAMES
Empty.
LENNY
He's probably propped up next to a keg in some frat house somewhere. You know kids are always messing around up here.
Something leaning up against the next grave catches James' eye. He shines his light on it.
JAMES
Not these kids anymore.
The light finds Todd and Kevin slumped against a nearby gravestone, their chests splashed crimson.
JAMES (CONT'D)
Do you believe me now?
Lenny swallows.
LENNY
I'm starting to.
(beat)
Let's get the hell out of here.
The race back to the car.
CUT TO:

(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don't Want To Be Right

A long, cold shadow hangs over today; it started when my car wouldn't start, on to disasters at work, and it keeps going. I thought four-day work weeks were supposed to be more fun.

I have been writing back and forth with a director who said he didn't realize I had been "Polonia-ized." Not sure what he meant by that.

Here's more from PETER ROTTENTAIL:

CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
James picks himself up off the pavement.
LENNY
Are you okay?
James grabs him.
JAMES
Somebody's trying to kill me! Look!
Both heads swivel towards the driveway.
From the cousins' POV, we see that nobody is there. Just Mooney's truck, hazards flashing.
Lenny shoves him.
LENNY
You're more wasted than I am! Shit, you coulda messed up my grill!
JAMES
I'm not wasted. Listen to me. I know this sounds crazy. But it looked like that magician. From the party.
LENNY
"Peter the Great" is taking a dirt nap, cuz.
JAMES
But it was him. Only with a weird mask on.
Lenny rubs his jaw.
LENNY
Weird mask?
JAMES
Yeah.
LENNY
Shit, I saw a guy wearing a weird mask on the way home from the strip club. I thought he was driving Mooney's truck.
James points.
JAMES
There's the truck. Where's Mooney?
LENNY
Let's find out.
They go inside.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (KITCHEN) -- MOMENTS LATER
James and Lenny look around the kitchen.
LENNY
Yo, Bill?
Silence. They keep moving.
They find Mooney's scattered tools, splotched with blood.
JAMES
He's been here. Look.
Lenny looks nervous, but shrugs.
LENNY
Ya know what, Bill could have cut his finger and said "fuck it" and took off.
He turns on James.
LENNY (CONT'D)
He's dead, James.
James looks searchingly.
JAMES
He's not. And I'll prove it. Come on.
He quickly exits. Lenny watches.
LENNY
Now where are we going?
CUT TO:

Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Orange Blossom Special

Here's today's FridayFive, a blog phenomenon where you answer five questions posed and then link to a main site. I thought I would try it one more week.


1. What does it say in the signature line of your emails?

My blog address, which is probably why my top hits come from Exhilarated Despair, b-movie, com, and microcinemascene.com. Not too many hits from fridayfive.org yet.

2. Did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook?

No, but probably a lot of people penned in "nerd."

3. If you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read? If you already have them, what do they say?

Once somebody gave us a humorous plate that features a bowling ball and some pins getting knocked down with our names on them. At least I think it was meant to be funny.

4. Have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? What did the inscription say?

My first wedding ring had some words from our personal vows inside the band. Unfortunately it went down the pipes when I was remodeling the half-bath. Now as you might suspect I take off my second ring before doing any home repair work.

5. What would you like your epitaph to be?

"If you sit by the river long enough, the bodies of all of your enemies will float by."


Give me a yell at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Me and You and a Dog Named Boo

Last night I learned from John Polonia that the final audio mix for PETER ROTTENTAIL is locked. Hopefully I'll get a copy in the mail soon. In the background I could hear John's newborn son howling like a banshee. John said that the baby was having a hard time sleeping, and I said, "Don't worry, that's only the first two years."

The line fell dead silent until I told him I was joking.

And that's how you throw a scare into a horror movie director.

More from our co-written PETER ROTTENTAIL:


CUT TO:
EXT. STRIP CLUB -- NIGHT
Lenny staggers out to his car, alone, and flops behind the wheel.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREETS -- LATER
Lenny chugs down the road. He pulls up to a red light.
CUT TO:
INT. LENNY'S CAR -- CONTINUOUS
A bleary Lenny looks out his window and sees Mooney's truck alongside. He squints.
LENNY
Mooney?
From Lenny's POV, we see Rottentail behind the wheel, red eyes glaring back at him.
He throws Lenny the finger.
Lenny does a long double-take.
Suddenly the light turns green, and Rottentail PEELS OUT.
Lenny shakes his head, as if to clear it. Then he follows suit.
CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- LATER
James walks back towards the house.
Suddenly Mooney's truck comes ROARING down the road, and nearly sideswipes James.
He leaps out of the way, and gets up CURSING.
JAMES
Freakin' glue-eating Mooney goes on a beer run on my dime!
James jogs up to the house, where Mooney's car is parked askew in the driveway, blinkers on.
The driver's door pops open, and Peter steps out.
James reels, stumbling back.
JAMES (CONT'D)
No. No!!
PETER
How 'bout a balloon animal, Jimmy?
Peter pulls some long, skinny balloons out of his hat and begins to wrap them in fast motion.
James watches, stunned.
Peter finishes his sculpture, and holds up a shining ax. Peter looks at it with surprise.
PETER (CONT'D)
Guess I fucked that one up! Looks like an ax! Oh, well, guess I'm going to have to kill you!
James stares; then suddenly takes off running.
He runs right out into the street, where a woozy Lenny is tooling along in his car.
Neither person is fast enough to react, and James goes up on the hood and over onto the street as Lenny slams on the brakes.
CUT TO:
INT. LENNY'S CAR -- CONTINUOUS
Lenny looks shocked.
LENNY
Oh shit!
He jumps out of the car.

Give me a yell at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Love on a Two-Way Street

I learned today that DEATH LAKE, falling in step with RAZORTEETH, has suspended shooting for the winter months. Hopefully both will start up again when the sun shines again across this great land.

And speaking of suspended, I'm trying to get the gears turning again after a pretty long holiday layoff from writing. I'd like to think I recharged my batteries, but I feel like that cold engine trying to turn over on a subzero morn. I have been going through some pages and buffing up a few things, warming up for hopefully another long stretch of work. I've got PAYBACK MAN to work on, GIZZARD GUTS to wrap up, the ending of DEMONS ON A DEAD END STREET to rework, plus a few more things in the wings.

Today I got interviewed for the office newsletter from my day job. News of the upcoming releases of AMONG US and PETER ROTTENTAIL got leaked out and I have been bombarded with questions, all in all a pleasant experience. Many have expressed surprise that I had, as one person put it, a "secret life." Even more succinctly, I received the following real email:

"Dear God. I had no idea. Someone must rescue you from that mess. I knew you were writing these things, but I didn't know you had written this many of them or what they were. "

It's true, even though I've been shakin' my business all over the Internet I've been more circumspect in my real life. There are just so many ups and downs in this biz, and besides, how do you work it into a conversation?

Here's a sample discussion I had today at work: "Well, we moved the system from DTMF control over twisted pair to IP control over the backbone, but figuring out how it was going to talk to the VME was the tough part."

Now where is the Bigfoot in that? Hence and so.

Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Lady Marmalade

Last night I saw my wife and teenaged daughter having a heart-to-heart in the kitchen so I quickly slipped away and put on "CSI: Miami" in the family room. After she went to bed I learned my daughter was upset that there was a rumor going around school that I was making porn movies, and didn't want me to know.

I noted to my wife that it had suddenly it occurred to me why some of the dads may have been warming up to me at the ball games.

But my brief euphoria was collapsed rather abruptly when my wife said ,"Not directing, just writing them." Writing porn movies? There's writing? Who does it, the guy who also launders the sheets?

But what are you gonna do? Go to the high school and say over the PA, "There's only one shower scene in the Bigfoot movie, but it was tastefully done, and the only sex scene in the killer rabbit movie features a guy in a rabbit suit"?

I feel my daughter's pain, though. It's hard enough being in high school; perhaps doubly so if your dad is considered a porn king.

And speaking of which, we have actually now arrived at the aforementioned scene in PETER ROTTENTAIL:

CUT TO:
INT. STRIP CLUB -- NIGHT
High angle shot down on Lenny, looking up and smiling.
Low angle from Lenny's POV, looking up at a STRIPPER doing her routine.
Feature Lenny again.
LENNY
Tasty!
Feature the stripper dancing.
CUT TO:
INT. ABBY'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM) -- LATER
Abby watches another romantic movie and drinks from a bottle of wine. The phone RINGS.
ABBY
Hello?
CLAIRE (V.O.)
Hey, girlfriend. Why don't you come out with us tonight?
ABBY
No way, Claire. I can't face another night of rejection. All I've laid lately is a big goose egg.
CLAIRE (V.O.)
Don't be that way, Abs!
ABBY
I'm just going to stay in and watch TV.
CLAIRE (V.O.)
Okay, hon. Good night!
ABBY
Good night.
Abby hangs up the phone dejectedly. She looks at the screen.
ABBY (CONT'D)
I have got to switch to action movies.
She shuts off the television and makes a loopy path towards her bedroom.
The doorbell RINGS.
Abby spins on one rubbery leg and faces the door.
She goes and flings it open.
Peter stands there, a wide, crooked grin on his face.
ABBY (CONT'D)
Who are you?
Peter says nothing. Instead, he takes his hat off and whips a bouquet of flowers from it.
He hands it over to Abby.
She looks at the flowers, tears starting up. Then she looks up and squints at Peter.
ABBY (CONT'D)
Well, any port in a storm.
She grabs Peter by the lapels and yanks him inside.
CUT TO:

Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Idiot Wind

I played Laser Tag at my ten-year-old nephew's birthday party Saturday night and was soundly whipped by all takers. The seizure-inducing light and sound mix, as well as the mechanics of how the guns worked, took some getting used to. But the rather disturbing post-apocalyptic medieval fortress theme was interesting.

I was talking to my daughter about the Beatles the other day and realized that when I was her age great albums like "Let It Be" were only about ten years old. Now stuff that's ten years old to her is (at best) what, Nirvana? No wonder shit gets screwed up in this day and age.

I've decided that the 70s may not have been a great time to be an adult, but it was a good time to be a kid.

Now, doing my best to screw up the future, here's more from PETER ROTTENTAIL:


CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (KITCHEN) -- MOMENTS LATER
Mooney looks at the water heater in the little utility room space behind the kitchen.
MOONEY
I know something that a-hole needs fixed, and it ain't a leaky pipe.
Mooney lugs out his pipe wrench.
Suddenly James pops his head around the corner, startling him.
JAMES
Hey, I'm going to go outside, get some air. Need anything?
MOONEY
Yeah, a real freakin' job!
James leaves as Mooney shakes his head.
Mooney hears the front door SHUT, then relaxes.
MOONEY (CONT'D)
Time to go on break!
CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
James is trying to compose his thoughts.
JAMES
I'm going crazy.
He shoves his hands in his pockets and begins walking down the road.
The camera pans over, and finds Peter Rottentail standing in the shadows.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (KITCHEN) -- CONTINUOUS
Mooney yanks a magazine out of his dirty bag of tools and sits down on the floor.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM) -- MOMENTS LATER
Rottentail slips into the house, looking around.
He takes off his hat, and pulls his oversized killing machete out of his top hat.
He moves out of frame.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (KITCHEN) -- CONTINUOUS
Mooney yawns and scratches, then chucks the magazine aside and starts idly fooling with the plumbing.
A shadow falls across him. He looks up, surprised.
Peter HONKS his horn.
MOONEY
What the hell?
Mooney shakes his head to clear it.
MOONEY (CONT'D)
I got to stop eating those mushrooms out of the back yard.
Peter HONKS his horn again.
MOONEY (CONT'D)
Jesus, I've got a splitting headache!
PETER
Do ya?
Peter changes hands, revealing the machete.
It goes up and comes down in a murderous stroke.
Mooney's skull cleaves.
PETER (CONT'D)
How 'bout now?
Mooney slumps on the floor.
Peter puts his machete and horn away. A leer comes across his face.
PETER (CONT'D)
Now to get some tail!
Peter hops out of frame.

Jind Mahi

Here's the latest questions from the FridayFive blog site:

What one thing are you most looking forward to . . .

1. ...today? My wife made a raspberry and chocolate dessert for after dinner.

2. ...over the next week? My daughter playing in the Randolph County JV basketball tourney.

3. ...this year? Seeing a couple of my projects hit the video shelves.

4. ...over the next five years? See my daughter graduate from high school and my son graduate from college.

5. ...for the rest of your life? Health and happiness.

Speaking of blogiverse happenings, if you like my blog, feel free to vote for me at the Bloggies: http://www.fairvue.com/?feature=awards2004.

Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Act Naturally

I saw last night that Fangoria Magazine has both AMONG US and PETER ROTTENTAIL on their "Chopping List" for future DVD releases. The Bigfoot movie is coming out April 27 and the giant killer rabbit movie June 29.

When I was a teen, my neighbor Ivan had all sorts of cool Fangoria issues laying around the floor of his room, and all I had was nerdy Starlogs. I was always jealous of that. It's weird to have a movie in there now.

Of course, he also had all those cool robot toys, straight from Japan, and was the first kid I ever knew of who had HBO. So he still won in the end.

The release dates are a bit of good news, since it looks like work on the ghost pirate movie GIZZARD GUTS and my DEMONS ON A DEAD END STREET will be tabled for a bit. The Polonia Brothers pirahna movie RAZORTEETH will still finish up when it stops snowing in Pennsylvania in the spring. Hard to shoot a beach movie in an ice storm.

But there are a few more projects on the horizon that I hope launch here shortly. You just have to keep your fingers crossed. Either that or quit. There's no other choice.

Here's more from PETER ROTTENTAIL:

DISSOLVE TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM) -- EVENING
James sits on the couch, drumming his fingers. He closes his eyes for a moment, thinking.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. DREAMSCAPE -- NIGHT
We see FLASHES of James' traumatic dreams, as his childhood self is under attack by the shadowy killer in the top hat.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM) -- CONTINUOUS
James wipes his brow.
JAMES
Why can't I remember?
James is STARTLED by the phone RINGING.
He picks it up.
JAMES (CONT'D)
Hello?
The strange, haunting jack-in-the-box MUSIC comes out of the receiver.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREETS -- EVENING
We see Peter's hands in extreme close-up, one turning the little crank of the box, the other holding a phone up to it.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM) -- CONTINUOUS
James grips the phone.
JAMES
Who is this?
The music stops abruptly. There is a SILENCE. Then, finally:
PETER (V.O.)
You don't know?
James looks worried, and angry.
JAMES
I said, who the hell is this?
CUT TO:
EXT. STREETS -- CONTINUOUS
We see Peter's mouth in extreme close-up, the phone held to his twisted lips.
PETER
Here's a hint, asshole.
(beat, singsong)
Happy birthday to you....happy birthday to you....
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM) -- CONTINUOUS
James' face shows sick fear.
PETER (V.O.)
Happy Birthday.....to....yoo-hoo...
JAMES
(croaking)
You're...dead...
PETER (V.O.)
Down, but not out. We're gonna have a party, Jimmy.
The line goes DEAD. The phone drops from James' numbed fingers and CLATTERS to the floor.
Suddenly a loud KNOCK makes James jump.
From his POV, we see the front door looming.
James gets up and slowly moves towards it.
Another loud RAP rattles the frame.
James reaches out a shaking hand towards the knob.
He flings the door open.
And stares into the slovenly face of Bill Mooney.
MOONEY
'Bout goddamn time!
JAMES
I...I thought you were someone else.
MOONEY
Who? Your underage girlfriend's pappy? Man up and open the freakin' door, Jimmy.
James opens the door wide, and Mooney elbows in.
James hitches a thumb.
JAMES
Water heater's back behind the kitchen.
MOONEY
I can find a freakin' water heater, I did graduate high school, Jimmy.
He bulls past.
JAMES
(murmurs)
Yeah, after six years.
James goes back to the couch.

Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Birdhouse in Your Soul

Yesterday was ass-cold here, with a dark sky in the morning, and all my failures and missteps grasped close at my chest all day.

But at night I played the superhero miniatures game HeroClix, and today the sun is shining. There is always hope.

My brother and I, through some advanced mathematics best not described here, managed to put together an evenly-matched JLA vs. Avengers fight, which the Avengers won handily the first time and pretty well the second time, much to my consternation.

But the Clix have spoken.

It's interesting to see where people surf into this site from. There are STILL people finding this site by typing in "spanking in movies." When did I ever mention spanking?

Now I've mentioned it twice. But at least my hits will go up. Though the readership concerns me.

Speaking of spanking in movies, I know PETER ROTTENTAIL is wrapping up post, and boy am I interested to see it. Even the Polonia Brothers don't know what to make of it. Here's more:

CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- LATER
The garage door rattles up. James and Lenny stand there, one with a rake and the other with a broom. They walk off in opposite directions.
Abby drinks coffee and watches from the porch across the street.
ABBY
Yep. Gay.
Feature a MONTAGE of James and Lenny working around the house, inside and out. James is putting more into it than Lenny.
Finally we see James sitting on the back step, resting and thinking.
Lenny observes him from afar for a moment, then approaches.
LENNY
How you doin, cuz?
JAMES
We're gettin' there.
Lenny scuffs the ground for a moment, then finally speaks up.
LENNY
So what really happened with that "Peter the Great" guy back in the day?
James just shakes his head.
JAMES
I don't know. It's kind of coming back in bits and pieces.
LENNY
I know I've been on your ass a little bit, but maybe you should go and see somebody. Maybe it'll help.
JAMES
Do you know a good shrink?
Lenny looks surprised.
LENNY
I'm not talking about a shrink, cuz. I'm talking about going to the strip club downtown! That's how you ease your mind, have a good time!
JAMES
Nah, I'll just hang out here, wait for the plumber.
LENNY
Okay, cuz, have it your way! I'll try to bring back two, and you can have one.
JAMES
Don't strain yourself!
Lenny gives a jaunty wave, and goes around the house.
At the front of the house, Lenny fishes out the keys to his car. He spots Abby sitting on the porch across the street.
He smiles, tries to give a smooth nod.
LENNY
Hey. Name's Lenny.
Abby motions with her mug.
ABBY
I'm Abby.
Lenny closes the distance between them.
LENNY
Gonna paint the town red tonight, do it up. Want to come along for the ride?
Abby shakes her head.
ABBY
Not really my scene, thanks.
LENNY
What? You don't like going out with studs?
ABBY
No, but more power to you. I'm surprised you're leaving your partner home, though.
LENNY
Ah, he's an old lady.
ABBY
Well, you two make a good couple.
Lenny tosses off a salute.
LENNY
Your loss, doll.
Lenny slides behind the wheel of his car and starts it up.
He goes a litle ways down the street and SLAMS on the brakes.
CUT TO:
INT. LENNY'S CAR -- CONTINUOUS
Lenny fumes.
LENNY
Son of a bitch! She thinks I'm gay!
(beat)
Shit, another one.
He SLAMS it into gear and PEELS OUT.
DISSOLVE TO:

Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

I'm Your Boogie Man

Haven't gone back to PETER ROTTENTAIL pages for a while; not sure if anyone missed it, exactly. By the way, the results of my on-line poll are in, and the next script I will post is RING OF THE SORCERESS, my crazy dark fantasy opus and the least-despised of my poorly-rated scripts from Triggerstreet.com, a whole story in itself. More on RING OF THE SORCERESS, also called SWORD OF THE ZOMBIE and DOOMED SWORD RISING during its various incarnations, in the weeks to come.

Speaking of which, I got in some D&D with my brother and son on Saturday. It was fun to dig out some old characters and put them up against an island full of ghost pirates. D&D--it brings families closer together.

CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- MORNING
The neighborhood is pleasant and quiet.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (KITCHEN) -- CONTINUOUS
Lenny is dialing the phone in the foreground while James sips coffee and reads the paper in the background.
LENNY
Come on, Bill...last call means last call.
CUT TO:
INT. MOONEY'S SHOP -- MORNING
BILL MOONEY, a scruffy man in a scruffy office, finally puts down his girlie mag and picks up the phone.
MOONEY
Mooney's...what the hell do ya want?
LENNY (V.O.)
Yeah, is this Billy?
MOONEY
Naw.
LENNY (V.O.)
Well, can I speak with him?
MOONEY
Yeah, yeah, I'll get him.
Mooney drops the phone on the desk with a CLATTER and starts thumbing through his magazine. After a long moment, he chucks the magazine into a stack of rusty parts and debris stacked waist-high in the corner.
He picks the phone up again.
MOONEY (CONT'D)
This is Mooney. What piece a shit needs to be fixed?
LENNY (V.O.)
I am going to kick your ass, Mooney, if you put me on hold like that again!
MOONEY
What, I didn't do nothin'. That was my assistant.
LENNY (V.O.)
Tell him to pull his dick out of your mouth quicker next time then! And speaking of pipe, I got a leaky one.
MOONEY
Here's what ya do, Lenny. Turn around, back up to it, and run it up yer ass 'til it stops leaking.
LENNY (V.O.)
See ya in a couple hours.
MOONEY
No seeds and stems this time.
Mooney hangs up.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (KITCHEN) -- CONTINUOUS
Lenny hangs up, shaking his head.
LENNY
We got our plumber.
James isn't paying attention. He folds the paper over.
JAMES
Damn, do you remember Scott Dalloway? Kid from the old neighborhood? Got mugged at a payphone last night. Dead.
LENNY
Whatever, I remember he was kind of a jackass anyway.
JAMES
What, so he deserved to die?
LENNY
Well, you know, you gotta go sometime.
JAMES
Man, when was the last time I saw Scott?
LENNY
I dunno, I think he moved away that summer after, what, fifth or sixth grade?
JAMES
Wow...I think the last time I saw him was when...
Lenny spins.
LENNY
Don't say the word birthday, party, cake, candle, presents, magic, magician, wand--
JAMES
Okay, okay, shit!
LENNY
Just step off with the whole thing. Damn, I never had a magician at my parties. Mine was all Grandpa Walt and "pull my finger."
JAMES
Okay, then let's get on with "Operation Cleanup."
LENNY
Operation, that sounds all military, like work and shit. Let's tone that noise down a little.
JAMES
Let's go, Lenny!
Both men exit.

Give me a yell at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Move On Up

Returned to work, and a ton of emails and phone calls. That getting up at six a.m. is a tough one after a few weeks of loafing in pajamas. Ivan Rogers told me I need to become a full-time writer so I could enjoy writer's hours. I fear those may be even crazier, but I would probably have to shave less.

I woke up this morning with a very clear recollection of when I drove to New York in 1987 and saw the Letterman show, shortly after winning a Letterman scholarship from my alma mater, Ball State. We took the train from Newark over to the World Trade Center and wandered around from there. We ended up hailing a horse and buggy and riding through Central Park in the rain, me and my pregnant wife as well as my brother and a girl he had picked up shortly before we left. We tried to spot Woody Allen at the Carnegie Deli but only got great sandwiches. Isiah Thomas and Terrence Trent D'Arby were on the Letterman show. Chris Elliot popped out of a hole in the floor. Funny how the world goes 'round.

Give me a shout at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.

Ain't That A Kick in the Head

Had a nice New Year's, eating dinner and then going to a relaxed party and playing Euchre for a few hours. If you don't know what Euchre is, you aren't from the Midwest, and there's no sense explaining it. Today the Christmas tree and all the several metric tons of decorations went into the attic for another season. Maybe some D&D and movies to round out the weekend.

I've got some scenes to work up for THE PAYBACK MAN and some other polishing to do on a few things for the Polonia Brothers as well in the next little bit. This time last year I was thinking about chucking it all and sitting around reading comics. So it's great that I have a few things in the hopper. I know the year will be up and down project-wise like last year, but I just hope there are more ups than downs. I suspect that's what all of the freelance scriptwriters are thinking: I know I am getting both, but let there be more feast than famine!

Give me a yell at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com.