So I was reading an interview with John Malkovich in a magazine and there's a nice warm gauzy photo of him, and something in the background catches my eye. There's a copy of Samuel Beckett's WATT on his bookshelf, the same edition I have. I wondered if he stuck it up there and never read it, like I did. We're all connected in the circle of life.
Someone recently recommended that I read the graphic novel BOX OFFICE POISON. Thankfully they didn't use it as a reference to my career (that I caught on to, anyway). Even more thankfully I found it at the local library, which is surprisingly starting to stock a bunch of graphic novels. I guess not that surprisingly--a person called me from the library and asked for suggestions some time back. As I've mentioned before, I used to have a cable access show where I talked about comic book collecting. It was so lo-fi it was literally two guys, two chairs, one camera--but ever since it aired people have looked to me as some sort of comic-book expert. That tells you the power of the media; if you can get on TV and blab, you must know something.
Anyway, BOX OFFICE POISON is pretty good; sort of like Peter Bagge's HATE with a little more whimsy, and if you know what I'm talking about you should go read it. Lots of young singles in the early 90s and all of their complicated lives; definitely captures a time and place.
Hey, guess what? Here's the end of PETER ROTTENTAIL:
CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
James comes off of the porch and looks around.
JAMES
Show yourself!
The garage door starts rattling up. Peter stands framed in the opening, Lenny's blade in his hand.
JAMES (CONT'D)
Where's my cousin Lenny?
PETER
Dead. Like everybody else from your little birthday party from hell!
JAMES
NO!!!!
James rushed Peter. Peter swings his killing steel, but misses. The blade THUNKS into the ground and sticks.
James takes this opportunity, with Peter half-crouched, to knee him in the jaw. Peter reels back and lets loose of the blade.
Peter recovers quickly. He balls up his fists and shows his yellow teeth.
PETER
Okay, Jimmy! Let's thump!
James takes a fighting stance.
James and Peter begin slugging away at each other with hard body blows and shots to the face that send both reeling. The slugfest drags them all over the yard.
James steps inside one of the punches and snatches the hat off of Peter's head.
Peter looks shocked as James takes a few deft steps backward, twirling the hat by the brim. A smile plays on James' lips.
Peter stands dumfounded, arms wide.
James takes the opportunity to zero in a kick to Peter's crotch.
Peter buckles over in pain.
PETER (CONT'D)
My turnips!
Peter convulses, staggering in a little circle.
PETER (CONT'D)
Give me my hat, you little bastard!
JAMES
I remember now! I know the source of your evil power!
PETER
I said GIVE ME THE FUCKING HAT!
Peter drops to his knees.
JAMES
Don't you understand? You can go back to being Peter Krigstein now! The spell over you is broken!
Peter SPUTTERS.
PETER
Why would I want to do that? Peter Krigstein was something stuck to the bottom of the world's shoe! Peter Rottentail says "fuck you" to the world and squeezes its balls!
James shakes his head.
JAMES
You can be free, Peter.
PETER
Free to do what? Have little snot-nosed kids like you laugh at me? I'm gonna kill everyone who ever laughed at me!
JAMES
Well, that'd be a shitload of people.
Peter ROARS and tries to dig his blade out of the ground, but he is weakening.
PETER
You're...gonna be...sorry...
James carefully dusts off the hat.
JAMES
I'm going to help you do one last trick, Peter.
PETER
What's that, Jimmy?
James lets the top hat fall to the ground.
JAMES
A disappearing act.
James lifts his foot over the top hat.
Peter SCREAMS in anguish and defeat.
James brings his foot down with one powerful stroke, flattening Peter's cursed hat.
There is a dazzling FLASH, and an echoing EXPLOSION, as the screen dissolves to COLD WHITE.
JAMES (V.O.) (CONT'D)
What is the significance of the underworld? It is a journey.
SLOW DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY
James is pacing, lecturing to his students.
JAMES
Everybody makes the trip. Odysseus. Aeneas. Jesus. And so many others, right down the line. But why?
(beat)
To test their limits. To find their strengths. Remember the story of Orpheus and Euridyce. Always to move forward...never looking back. To be submerged...in darkness...and to re-emerge...in the light.
James looks at his class, thinking.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. HOSPITAL DELIVERY ROOM -- NIGHT
CG: NINE MONTHS LATER
We see a very pregnant Abby sweating and GROANING over her delivery, while a concerned DOCTOR looms overhead.
DOCTOR
Push! That's it!
Abby GRUNTS and strains.
DOCTOR (CONT'D)
Here he comes! I see...I see...Holy Shit!
A RASPY CRY goes up.
ABBY
Oh, I hope he's not too ugly! His father was no prize!
DOCTOR
Uh--it'll be okay, miss!
The doctor swoops a swaddling cloth around the infant as a real SQUEAL goes up. The doctor looks down and swallows hard.
From his POV, we see Peter Rottentail's face peering up from the blanket.
PETER
How's that for an entrance, asshole?
Peter LUNGES towards the camera.
SMASH CUT TO BLACK.
CREDITS.
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