Thursday, January 22, 2004

Runaround

I was reading Newsweek yesterday and surprised to discover it's been five years since THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, still held up as the primer (as well as the rallying cry) for the independent filmmaker. The aftermath of that success, and where they all disappeared to, is pretty interesting reading. And also a primer for the independent filmmaker.

Here's a bit from PETER ROTTENTAIL:

CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (KITCHEN) -- LATER
James paces the room while Lenny pounds shots.
JAMES
We need to call the police.
LENNY
Get real, cuz! What are we going to say, some dead magician with a rabbit's head is killing people? They'll never believe us.
James stops, thinking.
JAMES
I guess we're on our own.
LENNY
It could be a nutcase. Or somebody playing a half-assed joke.
JAMES
I thought you believed this!
Lenny bolts down another shot.
LENNY
I don't know what the hell to believe, James.
The phone RINGS, startling them both.
JAMES
It's got to be him!
LENNY
Half the old ladies in town know this number, and my old man. I'll get it.
Lenny picks up the phone.
LENNY (CONT'D)
Hello.
PETER (V.O.)
Listen to your cousin, butt-head. He's smarter than he looks.
LENNY
Who's calling?!
PETER (V.O.)
Ask the birthday boy. He knows.
Lenny leans into the phone and shouts down the line.
LENNY
Peter Krigstein is dead!
PETER (V.O.)
But Peter Rottentail is alive.
Harsh reality begins to seep into Lenny's mind as blood drains from his face.
LENNY
How...
PETER (V.O.)
Put your kissin' cousin on the line.
LENNY
How 'bout kiss my ass?
Lenny SLAMS down the phone. The phone RINGS again, suddenly.
This time James pushes past Lenny and grabs up the phone.
JAMES
What the hell do you want from me?
PETER (V.O.)
I want to hear you scream for mercy. But you won't get any. I want to watch you beg for a quick death. But it'll be slow. I want to kill you, Jimmy.
JAMES
Why? Why?!?!
Silence.
PETER (V.O.)
Why not?
The line goes dead. James looks at the handset.
A moment later, the whole house is plunged into darkness.
LENNY
Oh shit!
James looks around.
A faint, flickering light comes from the next room.
The cousins look at each other, then look out into the living room.
From their POV, we see a little birthday cake with a big red candle on top, the only light sputtering in the pitch-black room.
LENNY (CONT'D)
Fuck this!
Lenny backs up and starts rooting through the cardboard boxes stacked up around the room.
He comes up with a big knife.
JAMES
What the hell are you doing?
LENNY
I'm not going to let this motherfucker, whoever he is, scare the shit out of me. I'm going out there and take a look around. Why don't you go find the fusebox?
JAMES
Let's not split up, Lenny.
Lenny stands at the back door for a last moment.
LENNY
"Let's not split up?" What is this, freaking Elm Street now? Don't be a wuss! I'll be back in a minute!
Lenny slips out.
CUT TO:
EXT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
Lenny works his light around the back yard, finally settling on the downed wires in the yard.
LENNY
Great.
He sees movement, over by the garage. The door SLAMS shut.
LENNY (CONT'D)
Peter Rottentail, huh? Yeah, right!
He stalks towards the garage.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (KITCHEN) -- MOMENTS LATER
James finds the fusebox and starts flipping the breakers inside. Nothing.
He looks concerned. He moves back towards the living room.
CUT TO:
INT. GRANDMA'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM) -- MOMENTS LATER
James stares at the little cake and candle. He starts rubbing his temples. Suddenly, he grabs his skull in both hands, as if his head threatens to split apart.
SMASH CUT TO:


Give me a yell at johnoakdalton@hotmail.com



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